Everyone should buy @cossbysweater's amazing new album and listen to it a billion times before day's end.

@slcitygirl There Is A Light That Never Goes Out by The Smiths, Paint A Vulgar Picture by The Smiths, Friday I'm in Love by The Cure

"I make a really bad ambiguous sex person." -@slcitygirl

I am planning on asking Upton Sinclair to go to the prom with me.

@adavidbaker @slcitygirl @slcityguy @suz_slc If you turned menstruation cycles into a fantasy competition, I would be all over that too.

"The plaintiff was indeed shot through the heart, but was my client truly to blame?" -Opening statements from defense in Bon Jovi v. You

"That's your warning. Next time, you lose your man card." "What did I do the first time?" "Gender re-assignment surgery." "Oh, right."

Please read and generously open your pocketbooks: http://t.co/WhyrMJe2

Cubs fans really need to make a series of "It Gets Better" videos on YouTube for us. #RIPRedSox

"X is for...I don't know...X-ray. Or Xylophone" #rejectedsuegraftonnovels

The fine I had to pay at the library was worth it to hear the 80-year-old librarian read the title of my overdue copy of "Bonk".

Mr. Popper's Penguins is totally going to jump the Ga'Hoole.

Leaving messages as I go, hoping against hope someone will see them.  http://yfrog.com/mozqynwj 

The White Chocolate Walker #gameofcones  http://bit.ly/19WUzEg 

@ruthystapleton What the what? Is Sam sleeping?

If you like Game of Thrones, or ice cream, or puns, you should check out my newest Tumblr.  http://asongoficecreamandfire.tumblr.com/ 

"I guess I don't need any extra thrills in my life." -@emilypaperclip

"I've never needed a blast of flavor." @slcitygirl

Imagine The Beatles singing Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da to an actual bra. Are you imagining it?

"I don't need some book to tell me how important I am." -@slcitygirl. "Twitter helps me know how important I am." -@slcitygirl, 5 sec. later