have you seen a child's skull before it loses its teeth? DEMON MAGIC http://t.co/FH8QYMHI

i think that means go http://t.co/e9NW9dxc

"if you say “bloody maury” into a mirror three times you will be the father"

Cosmo sex tip #346: To really surprise your partner during sex, die.

@dogboner Biggie no! stop! http://t.co/AgO89iiu

"I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known" http://t.co/sDrBvG4y

I'm a crepe, I'm a weirdough

A cop just knocked on my door saying my dogs were chasing people on bikes. . . my dogs don't even own bikes...

before giving a blowjob you must either sing or rap to the penis of choice about how cool it is then suck it

"*approaches drug dealer* i'll have 2 cocaines please"

am i on the wrong flight? http://t.co/hHTRMIgH

lets play clarinet http://t.co/O0kS7efR

I'm in an elevator http://t.co/QjqlefWr

There was an earthquake in Mexico, I really hope every Juan is okay.

Ok dad my boyfriend just got here. Please be nice to him. He is kind of nervous http://t.co/MWbFTIs4

Cool nature facts!! http://t.co/JNz8AJ8O

two types of white people http://t.co/kEnx2Lgt

Hey Internet boys, what are you wearing to the Internet tonight? fear and self loathing ? man that sounds so hot. Lets make out

I'm lonely http://t.co/hjqeYHdH

Hey I just birthed you, and this is crazy, here's placenta, cus you're a baby.