How did we ever actually speak to people?

So, when she told me to stop posting lost dog pics & have a baby, I told her "lose 50 pounds & get off welfare".

I'm overjoyed our government has spent 2.5 billion to check for other life forms on Mars. Cuz things are going so well down here.

I wonder if guys who drive around w/ the "Vaginatarian" bumper stickers even know what to do w/ a vagina.

It's very sad if a person doesn't have someone to care enough about them to make sure they don't have poop under their nails. :(

A grown ass woman getting angry because her boyfriend follows me on twitter is the most ridiculous thing ever. Grow up.

@amaeryllis and research and science has NOT found ANY link to vaccines and autism. These people are irresponsible douchetards.

@2sassymom thought you should know.... pic.twitter.com/aWyTwJAu

I want to be a lesbian w/ @linzh0e

Life is far too short to eat fake meat.

@dabsurdity you're the reason we can't have nice things! Bet your lady says that to you often!

I'm not proud that I just licked the inside of this popcorn bag.

We've all been there, hot stuff. RT: “@linzh0e: My best friend is a French bread pizza.”

@peachypixel8 @grandmufftarkin that tweet just made my day. Paramore sucks so many balls.

Mamma said knock you out. So, it's almost . @jactwe bday. Say happy bday to my conservative feminist partner.

@scdavis24 @sasspantsmcgee ummm, okay!

Going to be in Boston W-F for nursing conference. Anyone know if you can just walk in to MGH to donate blood?

@thebruno5150 pic.twitter.com/ThlrKzigtN

This is terrible. Turning this crap off to listen to neighbors fight about what the best cheese is. I vote sharp cheddar

Remember MTV unplugged? 1996 Alice in chains...so so good.