My boyfriend said to surprise him for his birthday so I moved all my stuff into his house while he was at work.

If you lie down and put your ear to the ground you can hear the sound of people saying "get out of the fucking way".

I'm not saying don't trust the internet but there's an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I've won & the number of ipads I own

I just got a tweet from a guy telling me that I unfollowed him. I already know about it though because I was the one that unfollowed him.

sometimes I yell stuff like THIS IS NOT A HOTEL and I AM NOT YOUR SLAVE but nothing ever changes because he's a total asshole. and a cat.

twitter isn't all one liners. some people have a story to tell. I enjoy a laugh but a glimpse into somone's life is the real gold here guys.

if I ever see you wearing a fanny pack I'll assume it's where you keep your virginity.

Going into town and don't want anyone to talk to you? Carry a clipboard. You're welcome.

My dad says my tweets are vulgar & he's probably right as this one could have been about anything but ends with 2 hamsters having casual sex

To any man considering taking on a woman in a fight, remember that what we lack in physical strength, we make up for in pure rage.

my favourite kind of flowers are the ones that don't say I'm sorry for being a dick

We live in a world where some men will shag goats, and I still can't get a date.

Actual New Year's resolution: To get my sparkle back... and not let anyone take it from me again.

Smart men are so much easier to fall in love with.

Twitter is like my mother because it tells me that it just wants me to be happy & to tweet how I want but then gets super critical when I do

my mum is out there somewhere starting a game of Words With Friends with a total stranger, because she thinks everyone on the internet is me

I'm doing this thing now where I buy my own jewelry and flowers so if you want to give me something special give me your time and attention.

I wonder what I'll suck at this year.

the hardest part of twitter isn't thinking up things to tweet about, it's remembering which of you guys won't get cranky if I talk to you.

I've lost a LOT of followers over the last week but this is the most encouraged I've ever felt because finally people are reading my tweets.