Frankenberry is just gay Count Chocula

"If you build it, they will come" - motivational sign at a vibrator factory

You THINK you love someone, then you watch them on the toilet cam you just installed and it's like you don't even know who they are anymore

In court today, Lindsay Lohan looked anxious for a bathroom break to do a couple of key bumps and scratch her crotch really hard

Adjusting the tone of Sepia on my Facebook pics for maximum pretentiousness

I'm tired of you people trying to obfuscate me with words I don't understand

For just 50 cents a day, you too can feed a dying Wikipedia programmer

Table of white chicks next to me drinking wine...it's only a matter of moments before one of them starts talking about a half-marathon

my Vespa runs on pussy juice

I always say "Hola, que pasa?" to my middle eastern neighbors in the hallway so they don't think I'm ignorant or culturally insensitive

Judging by the sound, there's either a middle eastern family moving into my building or Jawas in the hallway negotiating a droid sale

Nice try, girls that smoke cigarettes & pretend like you might not fuck us after the first date

Jose Conseco's computer has a post-it note attached to it that says "Password: password"

What most people fail to realize about unemployment is how much masturbation is required

Maybe the dude Adele wrote all those songs about was just really super busy

wearing THE FUCK out of some white pants until 11:59!

Just jerked off to that Shannon Doherty commercial for an online university and now I have my GED!

Mother's Day gift idea: a tastefully done "Through the Years" style montage of photos from group therapy sessions

Save time remembering any 24-year old dude's name by calling them all "Dylan"

More like the BRO-pocalypse, am I right? *high fives army of zombies named Chad*