Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Drunk texting verses drunk tweeting. At least you can delete a tweet.
I fucking hate it when people say they are speechless and then subsequently prove that they are not.
I don't call them 'unfollowers'; I call them 'scared'.
I don't worry about the voices in my head, it's the voices in my ear that cause me the greatest annoyance.
Why does Australia have all the cool animals?
A friend told someone that I tweeted. He stared at me and said, 'show us a tweet'. I mean? How rude, what's he think they are, tits?
Bad day at work? - Vodka.
Good day at work? - Vodka.
No work? - Vodka.
Spiders nesting in your ear? - Vodka.
My rules for twitter
1. Only Tweet at the weekend.
2. Check out new followers before following bk.
3. Only tweet drunk.
4. Break rules.
Sorry I didn't follow back...
But you were boring.
What? Wait! You mean you can log out?
Daughter: will you just shut up.
Me: I didn't say anything.
Daughter: just telling you in advance.
What? Twitter wants me to find friends by importing contacts? Hahahahahahahahaha...
Fuck, no thanks.
Who thinks I should stop swearing?
RT to say no.
Star to say yes.
Do both if you fucking couldn't care less.
I find that the best time to tweet is somewhere between 24 and 7.
Go on baby...
My signature move requires a pen.
They are making a girl wear a T shirt with Trainee Barista on the back. That's like announcing your not even good enough to make coffee.
Top tip: don't check into twitter in the morning.
You'll be late for work and people will shout at you.
It's fucking disgusting that my tweets are never stolen!
Look, if you want a star fuck, just ask...
'Funnier, sillier and cuter than a kitten in a bow.'