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I fucking hate it when people say they are speechless and then subsequently prove that they are not.
Drunk texting verses drunk tweeting. At least you can delete a tweet.
I don't call them 'unfollowers'; I call them 'scared'.
I don't worry about the voices in my head, it's the voices in my ear that cause me the greatest annoyance.
Why does Australia have all the cool animals?
Bad day at work? - Vodka.
Good day at work? - Vodka.
No work? - Vodka.
Spiders nesting in your ear? - Vodka.
A friend told someone that I tweeted. He stared at me and said, 'show us a tweet'. I mean? How rude, what's he think they are, tits?
My rules for twitter
1. Only Tweet at the weekend.
2. Check out new followers before following bk.
3. Only tweet drunk.
4. Break rules.
What? Wait! You mean you can log out?
Sorry I didn't follow back...
But you were boring.
Daughter: will you just shut up.
Me: I didn't say anything.
Daughter: just telling you in advance.
What? Twitter wants me to find friends by importing contacts? Hahahahahahahahaha...
Fuck, no thanks.
I find that the best time to tweet is somewhere between 24 and 7.
Who thinks I should stop swearing?
RT to say no.
Star to say yes.
Do both if you fucking couldn't care less.
My signature move requires a pen.
Go on baby...
They are making a girl wear a T shirt with Trainee Barista on the back. That's like announcing your not even good enough to make coffee.
Top tip: don't check into twitter in the morning.
You'll be late for work and people will shout at you.
It's fucking disgusting that my tweets are never stolen!
Look, if you want a star fuck, just ask...
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