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If you love something set it free,unless it's a lion. Don't do that.
"what do we want?" "faster Internet!" "when do we want it?". Loading...
Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
I've always thought milk is LEGEND-wait for it-DAIRY.
I can't stand people who tweet song lyrics because they remind me of somebody that I used to know
My girlfriend broke up with me and texted me saying:"Erase my number and don't contact me anymore"
I texted back:"Who's this?"
The end of the world is in 3 days and I have no idea what I'm gonna wear
I'm a professional photographer because I own an expensive camera and I can press the shutter button
The amount of people that confuse "to" and "too"
Is two damn high
I got punished in my math lesson because I was trying to eat a π
When my tweet gets no RTs or favs I automatically assume that you freaks didn't understand my highly appreciated sense of humor. Freaks!
I want background music to my life
*911, what's your emergency?
*I'm suffering from Upsexy!!
*Hey,I'm good, how are you?
You never really know a girl unless you have seen her eat chocolate
My imaginary friend says that I have mental problems..
On scale from 1 to 10,how obsessed with Harry Potter are you? "9 3/4".
Only Harry Potter fans will get it
Standing in shower for a long time
Because you know,
Life doesn't make any sense
Oxygen and potassium went on a date,I think it was OK.
The word bed actually looks like a bed..
"Oh you're answering a math problem,look how attractive the wall is!" -Brain
Have I mentioned that I'm tattooed? I like to stare at people http://t.co/Nh4g2uQjEz