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Does anyone else almost vomit every time they lick an envelope or see their coworkers?
Am I the only one who still feels irrationally compelled to always hit ctrl^alt^del in that order, even though I know it doesn't matter?
If I get voted off the island, does that mean I don't have to deal with your shit anymore?
If so, I SO vote myself off of this bitch.
If you stand inside my office waiting for me to get off the phone, you'd better believe I'm going to make that call last as long as I can.
DON'T STAND BLOCKING THE ELEVATOR DOOR WHILE WAITING FOR IT!!! If you do, I take no responsibility for what happens to you when it opens.
Ever been in one of those meetings where the only question seems to be whether it'll be the suicidal or homicidal tendencies that prevail?
Buses and trains should be like the men's room: no talking, no eye contact. It's WAY too early for this human interaction shit.
Monday morning; my mind is like a blank canvas.
...only problem is I have no paint, so I guess it's just gonna stay blank for awhile.
SERIOUSLY?!? How is it even possible to have this many socks and not even a single pair that match??
Dear lady who just yelled "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!" to your <2 year old toddler in a stroller, I will personally pay for your sterilization.
The guy standing next to me in the elevator has a five inch Redskins logo tattooed on his fucking neck!! Seriously, dude??
REPLY TO ALL!!!!!!! >:O
I swear there needs to be an electrical current rigged up to shock the user anytime they hit that damn button!!!!
My tweets are a synopsis of my synapses.
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