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my two year old scratched her arm on a shelf and TURNED AROUND AND PUNCHED THE SHELF BACK. now i'm hiding in my closet.
husband told me we are going to the bus station for burgers on our anniversary. pretty sure my vagina just sealed itself shut.
my 2 year old just did a ridiculous dance while holding a teacup and teapot and wearing a cat costume. i love my life.
oh boy. just got a confirmation for the mini donut pan i ordered. you win this time, bottle of wine.
my 2 year old just stole an always pad from the bathroom, unwrapped it, stuck it to the floor, lay her head on it, and said "night night".
damn it, people. copy and pasting is not the same as retweeting. it's the asshole of tweets.
i think that a fun research project would be to see what effect my wearing a grimace costume has on my relationship with my husband.
when did the definition of news change from "interesting stuff" to "everything ever"?
sometimes i like to hold my sleeping 2 year old in my arms and pretend that she is the biggest newborn ever.
if you read "vd" as venereal disease, today is ridiculous. if one more guy has a sexy 'vd' proposal planned, i will punch you in the heart.
just changed the kid's diaper and she rewarded me by stuffing her cereal bar into my bra. that's cool?
i'm almost at 50 followers! this is the most exciting thing to happen to me since husband brought me breakfast!
the kid just found a map of vegas, crumpled it into a ball, sat on it, and shouted "HA HA!"
me: "i think i might start wearing a watch again." husband: "oh yeah" mystery man: "congrats, bea! you're super boring!"
my daughter has learned to throw things in the trash. in other news, everything is now trash.
do you guys think writing "do the fucking dishes or i'll kill you in your sleep" in red paint on the mirror will get the point across?
bread makes you fat?
