@Beef_Tongue's (Once A Fish) most faved Tweets...
If you took the Facebook IQ Test and it determined you’re a Genius, the fact that you participated in a Facebook test negates the results.
The Blue Tooth in your ear tells me you are expecting an important call.
At Walmart.
At 8:00 AM.
On Sunday.
In the snack food aisle.
Ma'am.
At Walmart.
At 8:00 AM.
On Sunday.
In the snack food aisle.
Ma'am.
When my wife goes away, she leaves a Honey Do list. I say, "Fuck you, it's Saturday!" But, it comes out, "Yes, Dear." I'll be back later.
Red condoms might help more than red fonts. The yellow ribbons didn't stop the killing. Or the green for Iran. Colors don't work. People do.
Sir, I know all the ladies say you have a sweet cock, but would you please remove it from my iced tea?
If Life hands you a bowl of lemons, you look it right in the eye and say, “Fuck you, Life. I’m not your lemonade Wench.”
Her: You promised you’d wash the pots.
Me: I forgot.
Her: You spend all night Twittering.
Me: I’m trying to make you famous.
Me: I forgot.
Her: You spend all night Twittering.
Me: I’m trying to make you famous.
Being a Twitter Celebrity is like being the regular customer in the restaurant only the employees know. The other patrons don't give a shit.
We hear George Bush will be writing a book. What color crayons will he use? And when it’s published, who’ll read it to him?
If I was a woman they would write songs, books and poems about me because I would be the
Biggest.
Whore.
Ever.
Biggest.
Whore.
Ever.
Women do fart. But, differently than men. They don’t lift their leg, they don’t pound their chest and they don’t high five the dog.
When you tweet about every 3 minutes it's like a bird in a tree begging for people to throw things to shut it the fuck up.
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