Free porn is wrong. They should make it really expensive so women like it too.

Glenn Beck is leaving Fox News to run for Presdent. I don't have any proof, but that never stopped Glenn Beck.

Facebook: where women with dysfunctional love lives post inspirational quotes about love & life.

"He gives me butterflies!"

"He's a tattoo artist. He gives all the girls butterflies."

I picture Hell as one big Cheesecake Factory filled with single women explaining how their pets are their "kids".

When honesty becomes optional, so do you.

Hell hath no fury like a woman pissed off about some other chick's Facebook comment.

Remember when cops were crime fighters instead of revenue generators?

If social networking is like high school, Twitter is where the pot dealers & pregnant girls hang out.

Men with ponytails are as fashion forward as women with mustaches.

Guys think about sex as often as women think about weight. There, now we understand each other better...

If your relationship is "complicated", just know that its outcome is obvious to the rest of us.

Parked in the 7-11 parking lot, playing "The Offspring" with my windows down, so teens know I'm willing to buy them beer.

Facebook suggested for me to "Like" Creed because 7 friends like them. I just deleted 7 friends. Now to see which friends like Nickelback...

Getting back with an ex is like re-eating puke. And, often, someone else puked on it while you two were split.

It's weird that more women aren't in politics since the most important skill is lying about your sexual history with no remorse.

No means no. Unless it's about her past. Then, "no" means "during college, several times in Vegas, & 3 times after my last break up".

It's weird that chemists have to analyze your pee to know which drugs you take. I can tell by looking at your clothes.

Bodybuilder women look like dudes. That's so bodybuilder men can have sex with "dudes" without having sex with DUDES.

If you want someone done right, you have to do them yourself.