Jay-Z yelling "You're welcome!" at the stage while holding a glass of Hennessey is the best thing that will happen tonight.

BREAKING: CNN is reporting that 2 Chainz has in fact pulled up to the scene with his ceiling missing. Stay tuned for updates.

@maxbemis Proposed to my girlfriend last weekend with my Song Shop song and she loved it. Thanks, dude.

Casey Anthony just air-fived O.J. Simpson's spirit animal.

I'd rather have pieces of wet bread covered in spiders fired at me from a pitching machine than ever participate in another group text.

Odds Dickey wins the Cy Young on a 4th place Mets team? 500-to-1? 10,000-to-1?

Filled out my bracket for next year's NCAA tournament. Don't have a clue who the other 63 teams will be, but I picked Kansas to win it all.

Awesome work done by @scottmuska @kaytlev @larrypotters @rosickyjones @aelaineo on @flipcollective this week, read them all. #MarchMadness

Liquor elitists are the worst. Umm bro if I wanna be a grown man and drink vodka that tastes like fruit loops, then I will.

You can go and fuck yourself if you were one of the people that were able to get Killers tickets in the 14 seconds they were on sale.

How I only lost 2 followers is beyond me, but I guess it's because 10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash and now we have

I may or may not have "gotten something in my eye" when reading the latest @flipcollective from @kaytlev. Possibly.  http://www.flipcollective.com/2013/04/03/a-collective-love-letter-remembering-why-we-love-who-we-love-for-the-sake-of-equality-by-katie-levisay/ …

@paulthenshirley The NCAA: Where making buckets of money by exploiting sympathy for a kid who literally snapped his leg in half happens.

This piece of writing by @scottmuska made me audibly say "wow, that's good" to myself at my desk, so yeah.  http://www.flipcollective.com/2013/04/02/crush-me-flush-me-let-me-go-by-scott-muska/ …

Come to the Blackberry tent at 2 AM to see Monroe Allister of the Pralines paint a watercolor of his childhood home. #makingshitupaboutsxsw

Trying to navigate Ticketmaster right now to buy Postal Service tickets is like trying to cook lasagna in a toaster.

A black president being inaugurated on MLK Day. What's the exact opposite of rolling in your grave? Because that's what MLK is doing today.

RAP GAME MIKE EHRMANTRAUT.

Am I the only one that kinda feels bad for Uncle Murda's nephews/nieces?

I love books and @paulthenshirley loves books and if you love books, you'll enjoy this piece on @flipcollective: http://t.co/50lPBJ0m