I immediately regret this bobcat.

From far enough away, every nun looks like Glenn Close.

I'd like to think Osama Bin Laden died with "It's Raining Men" stuck in his head.

#removeoneletterfilms Ho Fuzz (documentary about the personal grooming habits of prostitutes)

I still like 'Eye Of The Tiger', but it might just be my Survivor guilt

═—(—۞ RT to help make it bloom. @lowes #plantatweet No Purchase Necessary. http://t.co/stoX2TPH

#bookdrinks The Red Stripe of Courage

There's a retrospective of Carl Sagan's turtlenecks at the Smithsonian if you're desperate for something to do tonight.

Did nobody tell Beyonce and Jay-Z that Ivy Blue Carter sounds an awful lot like Ivy blew Carter?

R.E.M. are from Georgia but not one of them has a southern accent. WTF?

Couldn't believe my wife didn't know Vanilla Ice's movie 'Cool As Ice' til I remembered we both died on the Titanic #HilariousHashTagGame

"Ray Liotta deserves better." - Ray Liotta's mom

I just remembered how terrible circus peanuts taste. What's worse is that I want some now.

@theleanover You've taken to America quite well, sir.

If my dad could see me now, he wouldn't.

Most people don't know how to react to having a loaf of bread thrown at them. It's a good diversionary tactic.

"Sunshine, on my shoulders - feels like burning.." - vampire John Denver

*man unscrews light-bulb, house immediately collapses around him, Buster Keaton rises from the grave and sues* #PhysicalComedyTweet

I don't know who autocorrect thinks I'm talking to but I'm just not trying to write "HIV" that often.

I'd hate to be the last person still on Twitter when the check comes.