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Hi I'm an 18 yr old girl and I've dated 3 guys out of the four billion on Earth and I'm here to say all guys are the same
mam, are u aware u just crashed ur car "I DONT CARE" u literally just crashed into a bridge "I LOVE IT" excuse me? "IM IN THE MILKY WAY" wut
just got back from IHIPHOP. its like IHOP except they play chill beats while the waitresses twerk all over your pancakes
*is at mcdonald's*
can i get umm.. Let's see... Can I get a witness?
*people of all ethic backgrounds suddenly appear*
*we break into song*
*opens a book* wtf this isn't the internet
if i was a waiter i'd say things like "excellent choice sir" even if all they ordered was water
Sure, people mock me now for feeding ham cutlets to pigeons in the park, but soon they will be big and strong... And I will have my revenge
# government shutdwon
RT to save america
"Women are strong! I blew people to get where I am today. Tits." - Marilyn Monroe
I performed stand up for the first time at an actual comedy club tonight & was paid 15 dollars. I spent it all on cheap liquor & easy women
is it a good sign when you're talking to a cute girl and every time you stop talking they look up from their phone and say "sorry, what?"
a 6000 yr incredible story of war, sacrifice, famine & hardship and Christians boiled it down to don't cuss/be gay/drink/have premarital sex
HEY SUPERHERO NERDS its ur time to shine i have a legitimate question - how does bane eat
what if gay marriage was legal for one day out of the year? The Purge 2: A Gay Ol' Time, coming to a theatre near you
intern at funny or die, struggling stand up comedian, lives in garbage