Krauthammer calls Clinton speech "a swing and a miss." Is it any wonder they can't figure out economics, climate change or rape? #DNC2012

I still have serious questions about Mitt Romney's judgment...just saw a report that he voted for Mitt Romney.

The Spy Who Seemed To Maintain An Excessively Flashy Lifestyle For Someone Whose Line Of Work Necessitates A Low Profile #RejectedBondTitles

I'm worried that Mitt's "Forced Smile" microchip is actually a Chinese counterfeit. #debate

@pattonoswalt @marcmaron Backhanded Compli-mint #WTFIceCream

Making fun of the powerful is comedy. Making fun of the powerless is bullying. #Tosh

"The Olympics were so much cooler when they were in Greece." - Hipster sports fan

"I ate his liver with some fava beans and a glass of Hawaiian Punch Bodacious Berry." #awfulfirstdraftdialogue

Interview with the Umpire #LessAmbitiousBooks

I honestly think it would've been less awkward if they had lowered a bottle of water into frame with a fishing rod. #SOTU

Mitt initially tried to get tough on China by sending them all our jobs. #debate

@anagasteyer You can't spell "shame" without "ham."

The problem with false equivalencies is that both sides do it.

Madonna's still got it (and by "it" I mean "osteoporosis")! #Superbowl

@pftompkins What is this obsession with Witness? Movies have been #giraffish for decades. pic.twitter.com/wVaDsvp5yI

As I watch the Pope depart his castle via helicopter for his summer home, I can only imagine how stoked Jesus must be by all this pageantry.

"Guys, we're all out of honey." - A bad news bear

@pftompkins Keep watching...Irish Setter closes the show with "Danny Boy."

Obama still silent on how his military budget slashes number of powder horns for our troops. #debate

Cheer up, Christians...if Saturday isn't really the Rapture, it's not the end of the world.