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Put Nicky back in his cage Bernard and comb your hair in your own garage
My grandpa refers to his balls as a droopy sack of love poison because he smokes crystal meth
The gunk in my plug hole can legally buy alcohol in the U.S
Thinking about getting laid in 2010
My kid turns three in a month. Those without children will go 'Awwwwww'. Those with, will just give me 'that' look, then walk away
The Olympics but with geography teachers
What colour shoes go best with chicken?
I'm drunk but I'm not 'twitter drunk' yet. So I'll see you in 6 more drinks.
Lost my Avatar t Shirt at the disco last night after drinking 3 glasses of Rose wine.
Watching Vines where they perform magic. Some guy just made his bed by clicking his fingers. Too Cool.
During the summer of 2006 I traded in my teenage mutant turtle stickers for stocks in Footlocker.
Thinking about growing a beard and wearing Converse
Wearing my Crabshack uniform to Granny's cremation tomorrow