You're right, I don't know what I'm missing by not having kids, but you also have no idea what I've gained by not having them.

I have few regrets, but probably my biggest is making all my tree forts "no-girls-allowed".

New idea: get wasted and go in for an eye exam. The glasses I get could help me see better when I'm drunk.

The thought of getting a terminal illness makes me absolutely giddy.

I'm voting tomorrow mainly because I don't want @christipiglet to divorce me or @legaleagle to take her side in the divorce :)

Michelle Obama won't walk right for a week.

When does my baby penis fall off and my adult penis appear?

Fellow runners, I found this chart and article very interesting.  http://fellrnr.com/wiki/Comparison_of_Energy_Gels …

Two people have group texted me today. Both groups have received a picture of my scrotum.

69 days till Christmas! *snicker*

I'm 25, so the doctor only puts half a finger up my butt.

I just got done masturbating to the Beijing women's volleyball...

Just feels weird using my wife's computer to watch porn

Whenever my wife has a really good day I just assume her secret family is making her happier than me.

Counting down the minutes to sweet sweet intoxication.

88 days until my 100 mile race... So far I am the youngest person stupid enough to attempt the race. Starting to get nervous.

Might I recommend reading @avocadoathlete's blog aloud simply so your ears will have the pleasure of enjoying the words as well.

So shocked that a rapper got a big booty hoe preggers.

Please God, don't let the CEO of Culvers say anything about gay marriage. Amen.

If I don't know what to do in any given situation I blame it on having my wisdom teeth pulled.