Came home to him moaning in bed "must find a way to destroy all KFCs on the planet". Tried to eat the whole bucket, to hide the evidence.

I'm in the mountains and just bought pot off of Archie. My sister's name is Veronica and I'm so excited.

On a scale from One to God, how crazy are you? Ok I may be drunk. Finally.

Going for a walk with a Rum and Coke. I think I'll 'up' the incline. I may be missing the point of my new treadmill.

It's hard to be stealth when you're wearing a leopard print coat.

Absence makes the heart grow GODDAMN HORNY.

You know it's winter in Northern Alberta when my stubble sticks out of my tights.
Whoa, stand back there guys, I'm taken.

@shellymay123 I'm drunk in the Rockies. Its snowing and there are Elk hanging' out across the street. How awesome is that?!

Positive that if I Pocket called a record label while driving they would offer me a deal based solely on the way I sing The Bangles.

I have the heartburn that only pizza, rum, and Battlefield 3 can deliver.

Favstar is gay. And by gay I mean happy. And by happy I mean Who the fuck cares. I may or may not be jealous.

Pretty sure that getting off my ass to exercise would be way easier than dealing with this Spanx drama every time I have to pee.

I just found my cat's secret stash of stollen photographs. He's been on a photo-licking bender.

So my Weight Watchers App asked me "you've tracked red wine 3 times recently, would you like to make that a favourite?" Why yes, yes I do.

@shellymay123 has proven & confirmed my theory that the only guys our age in circulation are divorcees & those getting released from prison.

You expect me to take you seriously when you only have decaf coffee in your cupboard? You son of a bitch. Oh, and your God is imaginary.

Holy shit my phone is @ 3%. What the hell am I going to do? Dammit how will I check my FB & Tweet? What about my alarm? oh there's my cord..

I outdrank my younger sister and I totally deserve some love tweeps.

I'm afraid that if my man has another drink he'll be ordering a ventriloquist Mad Hatter doll. I can't fucking wait!

My homemade soup craving did not prove to be suitable road trip food.