@BettyLies' (Betty's Lies) most faved Tweets...
No school today, so I'm letting the kids choose where we spend the day. (Please pick the liquor store, please pick the liquor store... )
"You made dinner, how nice! You did it all wrong, but what a lovely thought!"
Being a control freak is hard work.
Being a control freak is hard work.
So I'll use the grocery money to make a minimum payment on the VISA, and use VISA to buy the groceries. I'm a fucking financial genius.
Husband: That's Billy Ray Cyrus. His daughter is Miley Cyrus.
7: Who?
Husband: Hannah Montana
7: Who??
I could not be any more proud.
7: Who?
Husband: Hannah Montana
7: Who??
I could not be any more proud.
"Mommy, I can hear your heart beeping."
It's beating, dear. Unless I'm a robot. Or a mini-van backing up.
Wait, are you calling me fat?
It's beating, dear. Unless I'm a robot. Or a mini-van backing up.
Wait, are you calling me fat?
Google has added nine more Canadian cities to Street View. If this keeps up, I may have to start wearing makeup again.
Just wiped icing off the fridge door that must've been there since the Halloween party. Didn't use my tongue, so I've got that going for me.
Differences between Scots and Irish are vast.
One's known for alcoholism, while... Wait.
One hates the English... Er.
Oh, the 'e' in whisky!
One's known for alcoholism, while... Wait.
One hates the English... Er.
Oh, the 'e' in whisky!
Dear Rockband: Thanks for exposing my kids to Blondie and Elvis Costello. Now, for teaching them Eye of the Tiger? Eat a pickle out my butt.
I'm a 42-year-old woman Twittering from the bus on a pay-as-you-go phone. At least the bus driver flirted with me. Glass half full!
I'm not above sniffing panties I find on the floor to see if they're clean. But only my own. And no longer than five minutes at a stretch.
In retrospect, it probably wasn't such a bright idea to teach my kids about 'your mom' jokes. Some of them hurt.
A friend of mine, who likes to make fun of fat people, has been gaining weight. I'd point out the irony, but I'm afraid she'd sit on me.
Just got a 10 lb bag of carrots for two bucks. Any ideas on what to do with them, other than carrot cake, carrot soup and intercourse?
I quit coffee because apparently it's a phytoestrogen, and messes with your hormones. Beer does too, but I'm pretending I didn't read that.
My daughter wants me to draw a picture of my favourite thing. I'm going to draw the laptop. As soon as I, you know, get off the laptop.
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