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I want a "welcome" mat that says "If you are here, and didn't make prior plans to be here, please turn the fuck around and leave."
Yes, I often star AND retweet. If it's good enough to star, it's good enough to share.
It's so rude that people compare Sarah Jessica Parker to a horse!!
Horses are beautiful!!!
Thank you followers, you're so awesome! You make up for the whole 12-awkward-years of being "that weird girl" in school.
Thank you, boys in skinny jeans, for silently convincing single girls to move on to someone with junk.
Women can handle a lot of dirty, vulgar, taboo things nowadays.
But I say "I hate Christmas" & they act like I just shat in their purse.
If you threaten to leave the US because you don't like fellow citizens being granted rights YOU have, I have two words for you.
BUH BYE.
12 years old: "Vagina is such a weird word! Eww, I don't wanna say it!"
28 years old: "Vagina vagina vagina VAAAAGIIIINAAAAAAA!!!!!
"Well, I'm not getting laid, so Twitter it is."
-Me, and probably most of you.
You know what I love? Touching the buttons on jeans that have just come out of the dryer. #fucklaundry
Stop saying *the C word! It's disgusting, it's awful, and it pisses me off!
*Christmas.
In the south, you have columns in front of your house, not pillars. Pillars are what you sleep on.
I'm guessing no one else gets as enraged as I do when the microwave gives me the reminder beep. Crabby, impatient bastard, FUCK YOU!
If zombies eat brains, then I'm fine with that, considering where my brain is...
No, I don't stop shaving for winter. I happen to like sex.
Also, you never know when a cute paramedic is gonna have to cut your pants off.
I think it's time to clean my straightener. My hair smells like fried hot dogs and an all-night bender, complete with walk of shame.
Low-maintenance with zero daddy issues. I'm like a unicorn! @She_wolf83 pours my tea. @QuietNoMore7 shares my DNA.
