Respect your parents, they grew up talking to real people.

Not sure this bee knows it's a kamikaze pilot yet.

People in suits shouldn't even trust themselves.

They don't make the future like they used to.

It's cute how women think we care about having the qualities they're looking for.

The baby next to me on the bus is so cute I feel like I'm cheating on the Youtube cats. #ThugLife

Pablo Picasso is dead to me.

Still complaining about the guy with a million followers taking credit for your tweets? Never had a boss have you?

Hopefully MTV won't come up with a reality show called Tweetup.

Fear Factor can be really gross, I mean what if they make you drink Pepsi.

Does this empty trophy cabinet make my Favstar look absolete?

Tumblr was created solely for twittercide notes.

Me: Don't treat me like I don't have a 50 star tweet.

Cashier: No sir, I'm treating you like you don't have bonus features.

Law students dedication is measured by how many times they've read the itunes license agreement.

Dinner without ketchup, like I'm those jerks who watch a football game silently.

Wait until rappers discover that Selena Gomez rhymes with Jennifer Lopez.

You can't spell malfunction without fun.

Facebook: You had me at poke.
Twitter: You had me at bonus features.

For the sake of the world I hope pilots say 'time flies' when switching time zones.

It's like we have to travel a lightyear just to get a star out of some of you.