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I wish all of my personalities could just get along
Some people were not born for the self-checkout lane.
Early morning technical training class makes me wish this coffee had a lot more bourbon
Clearly, I have given up. I'm here on Twitter, aren't I?
Some days are all dumbasses and Favestar nazis
Why is "wake and bake" acceptable, but "snooze then booze" is frowned upon?
It is common knowledge that there are 7 legal reasons to stab someone in the eye with a fork
And this joke format is one
Apparently, I will do anything to not deal with work
You have to be a true masochist to look for validation on Twitter.
Starbuck's can't break a hundred at 8 am? That's like my dealer telling me he can't sell me an 8-ball because he doesn't have change.
Thinking the advice on Twitter makes sense
I find that some morning vacation cheer in my coffee really makes driving the RV much more exciting for everybody
I think I am going to dress like an old man today to piss everybody off a little extra when I am weaving all over the road in my motorhome
Tweet tweet, motherfuckers
My favorite sex position is any one that includes at least one other person
Surgery waiting rooms are a special kind of hell
The best place to Twitter from is the toilet... you are already in a cesspool
Is it wrong to use my brother-in-law who is in AA as a designated driver?
Who fucking cares, he's a fucking quitter
Stats can't be shown as @BigJonnyD67 has never signed in to Favstar.