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It's white alcohol before noon, and whiskey after that, right?
Because I am a classy motherfucker
I was told there would be bourbon
I'm not greedy, I'm only asking for enough money to be considered eccentric
Ah, whiskey... my friend, and the one thing between many people and certain death
I'm thankful for bourbon
Oh, and vodka
I wish all of my personalities could just get along
Some people were not born for the self-checkout lane.
Time for the Friday night version of the *commute
"Race to get home before I kill somebody
Tits or *GTFB!
*Get The Fucking Bourbon
This day could definitely use some more boobs and ass
TGIF??? More like YAALIFSIPWKY
You Are All Lucky It's Friday So I Probably Won't Kill You
The things I would be willing to do to become wealthy enough to never have to work again is slightly disturbing
But only slightly
I just realized that I might as well be working at the liquor store Sunday morning at 7, since I'll be there anyways
It might be TGIF, but it still seems to be lacking in bourbon and nudity
Early morning technical training class makes me wish this coffee had a lot more bourbon
Clearly, I have given up. I'm here on Twitter, aren't I?
Some days are all dumbasses and Favestar nazis
Why is "wake and bake" acceptable, but "snooze then booze" is frowned upon?
It is common knowledge that there are 7 legal reasons to stab someone in the eye with a fork
And this joke format is one
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