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I'm not greedy, I'm only asking for enough money to be considered eccentric
Ah, whiskey... my friend, and the one thing between many people and certain death
I'm thankful for bourbon
Oh, and vodka
I wish all of my personalities could just get along
Some people were not born for the self-checkout lane.
It might be TGIF, but it still seems to be lacking in bourbon and nudity
Early morning technical training class makes me wish this coffee had a lot more bourbon
Clearly, I have given up. I'm here on Twitter, aren't I?
Some days are all dumbasses and Favestar nazis
Why is "wake and bake" acceptable, but "snooze then booze" is frowned upon?
It is common knowledge that there are 7 legal reasons to stab someone in the eye with a fork
And this joke format is one
Apparently, I will do anything to not deal with work
You have to be a true masochist to look for validation on Twitter.
Starbuck's can't break a hundred at 8 am? That's like my dealer telling me he can't sell me an 8-ball because he doesn't have change.
Thinking the advice on Twitter makes sense
I find that some morning vacation cheer in my coffee really makes driving the RV much more exciting for everybody
I think I am going to dress like an old man today to piss everybody off a little extra when I am weaving all over the road in my motorhome
Tweet tweet, motherfuckers
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