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  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    Ladies, if you've ever accidentally called a fax machine, you know exactly what listening to your stories sounds like to men.

    • 1,663
    • FAVS
    calluptomeiamNathanpDooDooBr0wnthe_anastasiadGod23NaesSetseMachiavelli1532ambsrus
    • 1,102
    • RETWEETS
    karlilasotaron_ydGod23russwilliamsiiiBwana86ambsrusAlexKasebergIGotsSmarts
    hipchkkayyhluscuNorthside_MikecraydriennezxgravityxzAristotlesNZ__TraylorParkerVerifiedDrunkllvvzz23_LiesBoucheDag2kHairyJew4LifeJustinFuranoOneFunnyBastardMcJakester________CaseyMcCollumKyle_Lipperttigersgoroooartamytoo2Nickadoo
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    Do you know who has "AMAZING" tweets? Nobody. Nobody has AMAZING tweets! Settle down, people, they're tweets, not blow jobs.

    • 1,600
    • FAVS
    calluptomeiamNathanpdarinlovesbaconLlanoJoyC_Cil1androidsencdbrown570Ninja_Soup_
    • 414
    • RETWEETS
    h2ojonesazzaazmanluludisconnectshlashhzrnJulesJuliettaMollySneedwindblownsonglllvvvzzz
    theguydfSeanInCypressExploringUrMind__samalmightysamjoaomatthews_GroperClevelandiTomFooleryJohnThomas__llvvzzsanxsantiago
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    The most socially awkward of all the dinosaurs was the Michaelceratops.

    • 1,158
    • FAVS
    Comedians4CSkankOfTheSeaMollySneedNinja_Soup_StephenBCramerkor_daviesiamsunshine78_jennjenn
    • 771
    • RETWEETS
    Comedians4CayeyodanJaySaysStuffIAmViolentKdanielbluthWienerQueenCaraDoiljenswilliam8
    KyleMcDowell86PandAmonniaOhNoSheTwitntSpencerLenoxFrankie_ValIGotsSmartsCaseyMcCollum
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    After lesbians have sex, I bet there's an insane amount of not shutting the fuck up.

    • 1,131
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_robrichie66halfrundcluelessdreamerkrackerjaqqLola_Your_BunnyZombie_Kit__dxblarssonENG
    • 339
    • RETWEETS
    Dollie_MadisonasfrzaLola_Your_BunnyJen_says_nahCamel_Crushinjaslakhmnavanillaaafaycetheninjuh
    ToneLoOnTheGoSCbchbumOhNoSheTwitntJaySaysStuffTwatyTweetshunnisbones
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    Truth be told, I seriously doubt that your guess is as good as mine.

    • 1,207
    • FAVS
    MissMurderithRunwayDansiempredelilahEKentWGrahamassiekaybreeskiHannahFry1L1TO
    • 240
    • RETWEETS
    RunwayDanKentWGrahamkatinthehat666assiekaydyslexiapunk__smally989notsleeepingJHayden63
    calluptomeErik_AllenSenatorTheoKim_pulsiveWittBanterDanSackheim
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    Girls are made of sugar and spice and estrogen and emotions and feelings and tears and baggage and assorted issues and I'm out of room.

    • 831
    • FAVS
    MollySneeddietredbullTweetTheDudeNinja_Soup_Camel_CrushinErik_AllenStephenBCramerJermHimselfish
    • 540
    • RETWEETS
    TheLuvLessHumanTweetTheDudeCamel_Crushinmiss_saucytartsammyoriginsJaySaysStufftheninjuhapurf
    JaySaysStuffleo_bgwCanadian_HoserDepecheALAmodeShawnHatosyVerifiedDrunk
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    It's ironic that North Carolina would prohibit gay unions when they're on top of another Carolina.

    • 688
    • FAVS
    iamNathanpSkankOfTheSeaNinja_Soup_Erik_AllenStephenBCramerlisamsharpiamsunshine78_jennjenn
    • 460
    • RETWEETS
    MN_Flicka__JaySaysStufftheninjuhmathgingrasTa2WhorecaleighhraeedanielxhayScurvygirlz
    david8hughesjwoodhamMrPeeker__
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    The guy who spelled 'Wednesday' like that sure pulled off some shit.

    • 916
    • FAVS
    iamNathanpSkankOfTheSeaNinja_Soup_JustTorrencetheninjuhjuskewitchreeshmangForbidInjustice
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    iamNathanptheninjuhjaimielenthhsmash_landingJust_Jess_AgainkyleofLeslieStillingsDani_Feld
    FadedVersaceEarth2EddieTrainedHedonistgarnhumRowdyPrimate
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    Give a man a blowjob and you'll eat for a day. Repeat indefinitely.

    • 987
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_Erik_AllenForbidInjusticeJust_Jess_AgainFratheisthuntigulaPellMullSenatorTheo
    • 94
    • RETWEETS
    LowededSenatorTheothetwofacenastyRamosOnTheRocksnormmynormARobustLoofahdiANAtiffANY______El_gr8cornholio
    llvvzzzTeeter_TotterZachXJDonPadrote
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    Hey girl with 20,000 tweets and 14 followers, I'm guessing you should probably shut the fuck up.

    • 781
    • FAVS
    hippocroteezNinja_Soup_Erik_AllenStephenBCramerBlaineBrucereeshmangForbidInjusticesmash_landing
    • 257
    • RETWEETS
    BlaineBrucejaimielenthhsmash_landingconrcwhitneesidloskiMarcus2767mirai5496valentinebaby82
    FSUStevezgbettyTheFearBoners____GroperClevelandTitaniumToplassBucketE
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    Geese and swans mate for life. And that explains why it's very common for geese and swans to fly into jet engines.

    • 759
    • FAVS
    thebestmonkeyhuskerteershurlarioussierraroldhoward1968DanMentoshippocroteezSkankOfTheSea
    • 221
    • RETWEETS
    howard1968ryanwdayShawnGarretttrialfemmewindblownsongemptybottleofjdGuyLeicesterDigiFluid
    UpturnedBathtubashley_barnhillbedheadblonde____SnarkToast
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    If you mean getting a blowjob while listening to the radio, then yes, I like radiohead.

    • 739
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_Erik_AllenStephenBCramerDammitKarl_ForbidInjusticeTheSolClarkesmash_landingJust_Jess_Again
    • 182
    • RETWEETS
    smash_landingPandAmonniashutupheavthetwofacenastyRyanC6013JuggaloBrittanyViolent2Dope304harvardlsd
    UpturnedBathtubVocabuLarry
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    A recent study revealed that the main reason why men view women as sex objects is because they have vagínas.

    • 753
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_Erik_AllenStephenBCramerreeshmangForbidInjusticeDonnie_FairburnJust_Jess_AgainFratheist
    • 143
    • RETWEETS
    Dani_Feldconrcloganrae98Comedians4Conume_shikuannebollbartadpoleno3
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    Ugh. Vidal jokes already? Too Sassoon!

    • 339
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_Erik_AllenStephenBCramerForbidInjusticeDonnie_FairburnJust_Jess_AgainFratheisthuntigula
    • 486
    • RETWEETS
    CarolCarminecurlymalloyaethelwolfejmswtsnLegraaawrMarcusTheTokenR15S5Favstar250
    vaporcoffin
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    I just figured out that my asshole neighbor is using my Wi-Fi network. I'm gonna change the name of my network to "I fucked your wife".

    • 760
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_Lola_Your_BunnyErik_AllencandlerfamtheguydfForbidInjusticeDonnie_FairburnJust_Jess_Again
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    Lola_Your_BunnyChangeThaGame77Just_Jess_AgainmahatmatweeterDani_Feldjaki_hallnetropolisX_Redvelvet
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    I just put a huge load in the dishwasher.

    She spit it out though. :(

    • 718
    • FAVS
    Ninja_Soup_theguydfCamel_CrushinErik_AllenStephenBCramerForbidInjusticeDonnie_FairburnJust_Jess_Again
    • 90
    • RETWEETS
    bmalksCamel_Crushinsarita7108ThePaaawnShopflwrblsmRhinoURtinytestesmahatmatweeter
    edheenan__________ItsNotDavey______
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    If you mean rubbing ice on girl parts, then yes, I like coldplay.

    • 537
    • FAVS
    rayzviberushil_shah3Carlo_TONinja_Soup_SDPlissken1geografsT_BizzleLolloha
    • 251
    • RETWEETS
    wezgunnerolgamariesmithLollohajewell09pau_sans14JoanOfSnark9NomadTogScurvygirlz
    NikiWithIssues
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    Just saw a girl eating. In March. Wow. Guess she doesn't give a shit about bikini season.

    • 502
    • FAVS
    rayzvibestreblesonthomasrummellSamRejectMollySneeddietredbullNinja_Soup_StephenBCramer
    • 277
    • RETWEETS
    MollySneedfavstar_historyJust_Jess_AgainmahatmatweeterDani_FeldconrcEtherealNomadthetwofacenasty
    FattMernandezproEXgirlfriend
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    I'm not dumping you. I'm cancelling my subscription to your issues.

    • 531
    • FAVS
    dietredbullTobyDSmithtrailriderizzycrackalackiChristianPlanteBobGrimlockasianlizardOxbloodAbernthy
    • 237
    • RETWEETS
    nisseysaysAustinNix123jjhoopsmualllvvvzzzMiciuraUtahniabewmmAroraMadhulika
    SCbchbumMelvinofYork
  • BillMc7
      Bill Mc7 @BillMc7

    Babies are like Radiohead. Only a few people like them. Everyone else just pretends to.

    • 457
    • FAVS
    FreshaFreshy01thepantal00nShae_McCoybuck4ittode_to_dream_G_platt2dayofthedunOurnameisFallon
    • 306
    • RETWEETS
    ode_to_dream_Camel_CrushinComedians4CAveCrallscottydangerouscabbieBotcatoranojmitchelllittle
    david8hughesGrowlyGregogavinpivott
@BillMc7

@BillMc7

Current head writer for all the TV shows. Follow me, RT and favorite all my tweets, and I'll probably give you a job.