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Welcome to my humble home. I live alone. The noise from my closet is my girlfriend. If you can hear it, I can't let you leave here alive.
I see you all the time and I saw what you were doing in the shower yesterday and it was unholy, I don't care how much you cleaned it after.
Today, instead of sitting through a sermon on the Bible, why not enjoy salmon on a bagel?
Why do bad things happen to good people? Heck, I'm still not sure why anything happens to anybody.
"Moer Hulle" Mbalula's eve-of-battle sermon is the most rousing since Braveheart rallied his troops. http://bit.ly/Yu1UL6
"Why do bad things happen to good people?" To even out the good things that happen to bad people.
I love the New Yorker's capsule review of The Hobbit: "A long film about short people."
Yes, Joseph did eventually have sex with Mary. And as he finished, he called out My name. #bestironyever
What's all the new hype about anal? Women have been having sex with assholes for years.
Being yourself can take an entire lifetime, but doing yourself only takes 90 seconds.
Jesus, Mary and I will be spending the day watching movies, then eating Chinese food for dinner. #We'reJewish
THE 7 NON-DEADLY SINS
1. Jaywalking
2. Bogarting
3. Mattress-tag removal
4. Not using a coaster
5. Wedgies
6. Morning wood
7. Country music
The hard part about planning birthday parties for My son is that his birthday happens to fall on Christmas.
We invite all SA'ns who are disappointed, to join the DA In working for, and delivering, meaningful social change and job creation in SA
ARMAGEDDON NOTES
• Semi-formal
• Open bar(!)
• No +1's
• Tipping is customary
• BYOBrimstone
• RSVPrayer
• Billions will die
• NO GIFTS!!!
On Friday, when I come down and start sending the far right-wing to hell, Fox News will ask if I'm anti-Me.
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