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Welcome to my humble home. I live alone. The noise from my closet is my girlfriend. If you can hear it, I can't let you leave here alive.
I see you all the time and I saw what you were doing in the shower yesterday and it was unholy, I don't care how much you cleaned it after.
Me fail English...
Today, instead of sitting through a sermon on the Bible, why not enjoy salmon on a bagel?
Why do bad things happen to good people? Heck, I'm still not sure why anything happens to anybody.
Swedish Horse Muffers...
"Why do bad things happen to good people?" To even out the good things that happen to bad people.
I love the New Yorker's capsule review of The Hobbit: "A long film about short people."
What's all the new hype about anal? Women have been having sex with assholes for years.
Being yourself can take an entire lifetime, but doing yourself only takes 90 seconds.
THE 7 NON-DEADLY SINS
3. Mattress-tag removal
4. Not using a coaster
6. Morning wood
7. Country music
When people ask Me about hell I'm like, "Don't go there."
The hard part about planning birthday parties for My son is that his birthday happens to fall on Christmas.
We invite all SA'ns who are disappointed, to join the DA In working for, and delivering, meaningful social change and job creation in SA
• Open bar(!)
• No +1's
• Tipping is customary
• Billions will die
• NO GIFTS!!!
On Friday, when I come down and start sending the far right-wing to hell, Fox News will ask if I'm anti-Me.
Give her an inch, and she's going to want the other seven.