Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Got a promotion and a raise at work today. Which is bittersweet really. Now I have to actually work.
I'll be at Best Buy this whole week. No, not in line, in my car hitting the panic button to fuck with the campers.
I trust you like I trust a post Taco Bell fart.
Holy Fukushima! Awesome. “@greateststuffoe: Glow-in-the-Dark Nuclear Element Soaps - http://greateststuffonearth.com/glow-in-the-dark-nuclear-element-soaps/ … pic.twitter.com/FdztNuaZLo”
I get my best sleep 10 minutes before I have to be at work.
Don't use the bathroom in your dream. It's a trap.
These are siiiiick! “@greateststuffoe: Laser Christmas Lights - http://greateststuffonearth.com/laser-christmas-lights/ … pic.twitter.com/25CAW4Hxkj”
In his defense, Bill Cosby was under the impression all women inherently wanted a taste of his puddin' pop.
I can't wait to get old so I can ring up crippling credit card debt and stiff them with the bill.
Don't take life so seriously. It's not as if you're going to make it out alive.
If I'm ever on life support, unplug me. Then plug me back in. See if that works.
Interventions are for quitters with assholes for friends and family.
I'll see your motivational account and raise you a fucked up childhood with daddy issues.
I'm just looking to leave my mark on this world. It's probably going to look a lot like a shit stain at this rate.
Let your burning bridges light the way to a brighter future of even bigger burning bridges.
Funeral slow clapper. Rubber of elbows. Slapper of thighs. Eater of sandwiches.