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We live in a world that makes a bigger deal over Paul Walker than over Nelson Mandela in case you were wondering why I own guns.
I've heard leftover pie is only good for three days but I'm confused. What's leftover pie?
Amazon will possibly start using flying delivery drones. Obama green lights the project.
My phone is totally racist. When it doesn't want to work anymore the screen turns black.
Great. We can now see if something we retweet gets a retweet. Is twitter trying to kill the retweet?!
Careful Carl, Paul is now a Walker.
I find it ironic when black people say gays shouldn't have equal rights. I respond, "Totally! They should have their own schools too....."
My high school reunion was tonight. Instead of going I got together with the people in my life I actually cared about seeing.
Hey shoppers waiting in the cold, ever hear of this magical shopping tool called the Internet?! It's warm and there's boobs. You're welcome.
I'm thankful the Native Americans chose to give the Pilgrims turkey as the meat of choice and not something like deer penis.
I bet everyone is thankful for stretchy pants right about now.
Laughter is the best medicine. Lets play doctor.