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The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And magic bullets, apparently.
My wife sent me a text to remind me of some dates. Now I need someone to text me to remind me to check my texts.
Every time my two year old gets all proud over identifying a letter I remind her she still poops her pants. Gotta keep their hopes in check.
This crossing guard was doing this cute little dance waving a stop sign at me as I blew through a school zone.
Why can't people die of old age anymore?! Oh he must have had cancer or OCPD. Or, OR HE WAS EIGHTY FUCKING THREE!
I'm my knee hurts from sitting on the couch years old.
Hearing old school Mickey Mouse cartoons coming from the living room is surprisingly creepy.
My wife doesn't think she is batshit crazy. Then I reminded her she married me. I win.
Apparently the logical inconsistency of the dress was too much for Spock to handle.
Funeral slow clapper. Rubber of elbows. Slapper of thighs. Eater of sandwiches.
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