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Never buy a car from Peoria Ford. Ever. Ever. Ever. No matter what the price is. Just say no every time. Total asshats and liars.
The only person I lie to is myself.
You're the uncracked pistachio of people. Not worth the effort.
I've been eating makeup for years so I can be pretty on the inside too.
Porno acting is more forced than Bill Cosby's dating technique.
Plug wireless mouse into coworkers computer. Open snuff porn on his computer when boss is walking by. Go directly to Hell.
What main ingredient in Miller Lite gives you a migraine?
Three Miller Lights and my brain is trying to crawl out of my skull. I get it brain. I'm sorry.
I don't share this stuff normally. The world has too few good people in it. He is one of them. Thank you. http://dt.gofund.me/24438kpw&rcid=5f83345018ca11e69729bc764e065bc4 …
On the bright side, at least global warming solves the worlds Florida problem.
Kids reaching under the door when you're going to the bathroom is actually an ingenious way for them to ruin your last small joy in life.
Funeral slow clapper. Rubber of elbows. Slapper of thighs. Eater of sandwiches.
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