Language was invented to woo women; rap was invented to Wu-Tang.

Doesn't "Willie Nelson" sound like something an asshole bully would do to your ears?

Friend is enjoying his "last day of freedom" before starting work. I guess Papa John is a Haitian dictator?

Just saw The Revengers it was ok not as good as the book though

please pray 4 my dad he has been having a hard time knowing the difference between game of thrones and hunger games

Can't believe some people want to blame school shootings for the "Pumped Up Kicks" tragedy.

"That stuff's so over my head" = "That shit's so beneath my contempt"

Ever take so much adderall you can hear silent consonants?

Denzel Washington could sell heroin to a polar bear.

Verne Troyer used to be a movie star. Now he's a movie white dwarf.

WHO DIED AND MADE YOU SLICED BREAD?!!

Little cousin told me he went as the "Dim Reaper" for Halloween. Sounds about right.

Wendy's drive-thru girl just told me to "have a nice a day". Time to remind this bitch who gives the orders around here.

Remove all the Jeremys from your life and find real happiness.

Can someone please explain those Littering Is Illegal signs? Looks like a bell telephone wired to an explosive.

Pretty sure Shaun White carries around a thermos of Dave Grohl's cocaine sweat.

You know when Pete finally hits the 540 in "Brink!"? That's my spirit animal.

Nickelback the Dancing Clown