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"I kinda prefer the second reich." - nazi hipster
So, what're all of us fortunate people complaining about today?
We are so close to living in an age where someone will say, "Oh, no. Grandma Brittany died."
For everyone curious about Fifty Shades of Grey I've got your answer. They show no cum.
I have to pee like a racehorse. On all fours with millions of drunk women in floppy hats watching.
Too bad Tom Petty didn't have a son named Manny.
Tonight A-Rod will be playing third, batting fourth and pleading the fifth.
I'm remaking Van Halen's Panama video and need a harness, a hair dryer, ten tons of cocaine, no harness and no hair dryer.
Abercrombie & Fitch is probably minutes away from having a guy just masturbating at their store entrance. That is, if I can I find parking.
People excited about Fifty Shades of Grey are going to have fucking heart attacks when they find out about porn.
"I'll be on Larry King tonight." - a diaper
I just killed a spider with a magazine. I made it read Us Weekly and it killed itself.
George Zimmerman is one arrest away from being drafted by the NFL.
"They should make a celebrity diving show." - what Bill Murray whispered to Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation
FYI, you can fuck anywhere in the store at Jo-Ann Fabrics.
The last thing I need is a coffin.
I write for the TV on shows including Family Guy, Letterman, Crank Yankers and I really hate Twitter.
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