Bacon is like the sizzled labia of a goddess.

I hate poetry.

More than you knowetry.

I wish it would go awayatry.

Far, far awayatry.

A tree.

Thanks to all who star my tweets. If you think I'm funny, why not RT? Am I that person you're ashamed of following? Am I your DL tweetlover?

Anyone need a roommate who likes to play video games, read comic books, & watch movies while critiquing the hell out of them? I'm desperate.

@tarastrong They've gone too far, Tara!

;-) http://t.co/kIFRSWc4

My 10 year old cousin just asked me who Justin Bieber is. I pushed her down a flight of steps to keep her soul cleansed.

Saddam Hussein ☑ Osama Bin Laden ☑ #Gadhafi ☑ @skrililex ☐

Never understood women who have been attracted to me. Can't they tell by the look on my face that sex will be joyless and traumatic?

Jesus died so I can get time and a half.

#5WordsAfterSex
Back in the grave, sweetheart.

I wish I could borrow one of Megan Fox's thighs as a pillow for the rest of my worthless life.

My life is slowly turning into a Silent Hill video game, complete w/ deranged versions of real people horrible sense of dread & bad controls

#replacetimewithvagina
Stop.... HAMMER VAGINA

I want to trust fall into your vagina.

Should I start blogging? Would anyone read page after page of self-delusion, masturbation & farts?

I wish my penis could scream.

Cupid is a little bitch.

I'm a fucking mentally disturbed nutcase.

Epic Jesus died for our wins.

I follow some celebrities cuz they're funny or I interact with them. Know who's not funny? The Wayans family. None of you bastards.