BlondHousewife

@BlondHousewife

Liz T. Goddess

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Favs Rec'd 136,337
Awards Rec'd 71
Favstar Lists In 424
Following 748
Followers 4,960
Corporate Middle Manager by day. Domestic Goddess by night. I tweet a lot!
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@BlondHousewife’s (Liz T. Goddess) best tweets
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BlondHousewife
Sometimes, when I feel sorry for myself. I think about the women who have slept with David Spade, and I feel better.
@BlondHousewife
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BlondHousewife
Corporate: In order to manage our time better, we are going to have a meeting. Me: Wouldn't our time be better managed doing our jobs?
@BlondHousewife
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BlondHousewife
Yes, the Mayans predicted the world to end in 2012. But not the conquistadors, those guys came out of left field.
@BlondHousewife
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BlondHousewife
If you listen very carefully, you can hear Monday sharpening its claws.
@BlondHousewife
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BlondHousewife
I have some real funny new followers. The pressure is on to put on a good performance and be funny. Is this how guys feel before sex?
@BlondHousewife
BlondHousewife
It smells like sexual frustration and Mountain Dew in the hallway. So I know the IT trolls are nearby.
@BlondHousewife
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BlondHousewife
Corporate logic. I work for a corporation that will spend thousands of dollars to save 20 bucks. And we are one of the more successful ones.
@BlondHousewife
BlondHousewife
Coworker being amusing, said I looked great in my slutty business gal costume. Unrelated: We now have an opening on staff here.
@BlondHousewife
BlondHousewife
Don't tell me how to star something Favstar. Its a damn tweet, this isn't a wine tasting party.
@BlondHousewife
BlondHousewife
I just have to learn how to make the tape say "Uh-huh" at the proper times. So I can just nap during conference calls.
@BlondHousewife
BlondHousewife
I met my office assistant's latest boyfriend today. Somewhere in Virginia there was a meth lab unattended for a few hours.
@BlondHousewife
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BlondHousewife
#mymomsaid Be the friend that you want to have. Sometimes that ol' sauce monkey had some real lucid moments.
@BlondHousewife
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BlondHousewife
Corp: We may have to scale back Christmas parties. Me: What about the board of directors meeting in Hawaii this year? Corporate: No
@BlondHousewife
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BlondHousewife
The tough part about working on Columbus day. I have to go home and prepare Columbus day dinner and get the gifts wrapped. And the carolers.
@BlondHousewife
BlondHousewife
I just approved my own vacation. The week between Christmas and New Year's. Like a boss.
@BlondHousewife
BlondHousewife
How come they don't market Earth Day more like a holiday? Go have your kids sit in Al Gore's lap down at the mall and get a picture taken.
@BlondHousewife
BlondHousewife
I gave up drinking years ago, but I am asking for a volunteer to drink for me this evening.
@BlondHousewife
BlondHousewife
I see we have misspelled words trending again. Nice to see our tax dollars being put to good use. Great job teachers union.
@BlondHousewife
BlondHousewife
Yes, I just realized that I referenced a man that ran for President in 1984 and won only one state. Not my fault you weren't around.
@BlondHousewife
BlondHousewife
I am the antithesis of hip. I did not get a Google Wave invite today, just another invite to join AARP. Welcome to middle age, Liz.
@BlondHousewife