Sorry children of the 1970s but the group Hot Chocolate lied to you. Not everyone's a winner.

None of you kept rocking in the free world. That is why Neil Young hates you.

If you want me to get along better with the others, quit finding others who suck as human beings.

My lipstick containing lead isn't the lead from me that you should be worried about.

Billy Corgan sure has put on weight. Scratch that, it was just a security guy.

This will only be solved through interpretive dance. Is a sentence you never want to hear in a budget meeting.

Apparently Rome fell because it was just too fabulous.

Correcting typos matter. Its the different between addressing a letter to Santa or Satan. It could save a child's soul.

Point of order. Chocolate is great as a dessert. As a diamond, not so much.

Corp: We may have to scale back Christmas parties. Me: What about the board of directors meeting in Hawaii this year? Corporate: No

I thought by now we would have some twitter drama reenactors.

I was hoping the Falcons would be playing who let the dogs out when the Eagles came out.

Sometimes, when I feel sorry for myself. I think about the women who have slept with David Spade, and I feel better.

Pardon me? Oh just stocking up on ammo, food and gold while Washington tries to figure out how to feed the beast of government.

Just paying my mortgage. They throw you in jail if you try to conduct your finances the same way the US government conducts theirs.

I think the Speaker should tell the President that they have to vote for it to see what they are going to get. It worked for Nancy Pelosi.

Florida, you just want attention don't you? Casey Anthony, Tim Tebow, the election of 2000. Its always about you, isn't it?

Fact: Lando Calrissian remained cool during the Battle of Endor thanks to the clean, crisp taste of Colt 45.

The slogan at Favstar now is "The best of twitter." I'm hoping that will change periodically. "Now in Cool Ranch flavor." Would be good too

I'm ahead of my time. But this meeting should correct that.