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Friends: 294
Followers: 718
Favs Given: 23,514
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@Blue_Crab's (Crab) most faved Tweets...
Blue_Crab
I swear, if it's not one thing, it's my mother.
@Blue_Crab
Blue_Crab
I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
@Blue_Crab
Blue_Crab
I'm from the South, I don't have to say "fuck you" all I have to say is "bless your heart."
@Blue_Crab
Blue_Crab
My inferiority complexes aren't as good as yours.
@Blue_Crab
Blue_Crab
I'm tired of twitter being "over capacity." Can we start voting people off?
@Blue_Crab
Blue_Crab
Men are like toilets. Either vacant, engaged, or full of crap.
@Blue_Crab
Blue_Crab
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy
@Blue_Crab
Blue_Crab
I wish I had a guy in my life who would go down on me as often as twitter does.
@Blue_Crab
Blue_Crab
I don't know why it's called the "walk of shame" I'm pretty proud.
@Blue_Crab
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Blue_Crab
My life has a great cast, but I can't really figure out the plot.
@Blue_Crab
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Blue_Crab
"Look, Mommy! I can fit my whole fist into my mouth!"

Your son is going to make some lucky man very happy one day.
@Blue_Crab
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Blue_Crab
That's enough Monday for one week.
@Blue_Crab
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Blue_Crab
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s table was Sir Cumference.
@Blue_Crab
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Blue_Crab
Some people are wise, and some, otherwise.
@Blue_Crab
Blue_Crab
I sat down to talk with my god-sister, but I couldn't hear a word she said over the scrunchie in her hair.
@Blue_Crab
Blue_Crab
My family started the holiday prep early this year. Death threats have already begun, lawyers are being called and wills are being changed.
@Blue_Crab
Blue_Crab
No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn’t work anyway.
@Blue_Crab
Blue_Crab
Shit, it's why-the-hell-am-i-still-awake o'clock
@Blue_Crab
Blue_Crab
Do these pants make my ass look late for work?
@Blue_Crab
Blue_Crab
You know what's funny?



Me neither. I've got nothing.
@Blue_Crab
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