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I used to have funny things to say on Twitter.
This baby crab got my eyes and her father's gas.
2 babies screaming and crying at once.
Don't tell me I don't know what Vietnam was like.
When you have a sleeping 2 month old, you move around the house as though you are trying not to set off a bomb
I just searched "how to successfully negotiate with a 2 year old" and got no results.
"Well officer, I was speeding because I have a baby in the back seat."
"Is that poop or chocolate?"
I had no idea that I'd be asking that question so frequently.
Easter is right around the corner. Here's Food Babe to shit on all your plans. http://foodbabe.com/2012/10/10/does-your-favorite-candy-have-gmos/ …
Accessorizing with dog hair and spit up.
Everything I own is soaked in breastmilk or pee.
New favorite game: Is that liquid I'm sitting in sweat, leaked breast milk, or pee?
Day 10 of having a little crab: husband asked me if I planned on showering today
Does anyone else think it's a little chilly?
Current status: thinking of flushing my phone because I've been stuck on the same level in Candy Crush for a month.
Clothing feels terribly oppressive.
Expecting me to wear clothes seems entirely unreasonable.