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Happy Birthday, Pumpkin Jesus and Holy Ghost!
"You may not put pretzels up your nose!"
is something I just found myself yelling.
I thought The Wiggles were bad, then the toddler discovered The Doodlebops.
Which wine pairs best with poverty?
My toddler is pretty sure she could do a better job than Boehner.
Saw 4 little Beatles in the bathroom. They refused to perform "Can't buy me love" so I killed them.
I think it's lovely that you aren't on any social media, but I don't think it's as lovely as you do.
In my day twitter was all about giving a man a fish and teaching him to fish, and it didn't smell great.
It's weird that they don't have vodka at the food bank.
If you're forced to visit a food bank, you could probably use a drink, or 5.
The pollen count is "Hide yo kids, hide yo wife" high.
Cabernet pairs well with animal crackers and goldfish
Chocolate animal crackers pair well with merlot.
I need to check favrd.
My toddler loves raisins.
Translation: Every thing I own has raisins stuck to it.
Grandmother: I can't remember; did I tell you that I passed my dementia test?
If you're reading this, is too late
totally past my bedtime.
Stronger than ativan and more powerful than chocolate.
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