Whoever said money can't buy happiness never walked into a liquor store..

I just got my autographed Dangerous perfume from @mtvsammi !! I LOVE the smell!! http://twitpic.com/4mkcu0

Looking better then ever! Love that 6 pack! RT @itsthesituation: Summer 6 http://t.co/sPcVXqz6

Pro Tip: if you have to walk up to a bar & ask "what is good" your ass shouldn't be IN a bar!

I got more @mtvsammi Dangerous in the mail 2day! My fav frag 2 date! Thanks Sammi! http://t.co/mqZHiOiW

If a married couple has sex at 11:55pm & it rolls past 12:01am that's considered 2 days of sex, right?!

Now someone please explain 2 my husband that I have to buy ANOTHER bottle of Dangerous. I can't USE the autographed one! @mtvsammi

Oh. My. Just in case I don't wake up tomorrow twitter; the cause of death is squeaky toxic dog farts.

Son: Can I have a cookie
Me: Cookies aren't for breakfast!
Son: *huffs away*
Me: *shrug* *eats cookie*

@pbandjenelley_1 @courtyb11 y'all should take @babsevansmtv advise! She's a smart cookie Jenelle! She wouldn't lead you in a bad path!

The key to a lasting marriage is sex. Lots of sex. Take that fight to the sheets & let it go! It's the best sex you'll ever have! #Marriage

Time to take my old ass to bed. I've successfully made it another year here on earth to piss y'all off. You're welcome! #BirthdayGirl

DITTO!! RT @twocrazybunnies I think one key to my morning disposition is that I never ever ever turn on the TV

I realize I don't look like I'm in pain; you don't look like an imbecile. Looks CAN be deceiving. #Truth #STFU

Lmao.. This is why I love twitter.. Specifically @mindthrill @jscottwilson @momfia becuz they keep my TL rocking http://t.co/sAACjTPO

So @hockeymom9598 @prfans @acemme @hgraymommy @stephentaylormm are flaming me & harassing me because I tweeted 2 @kateplusmy8 - LOSERS!

In Missouri a man needs a permit to shave..

6:30 and I am plowed. This may be a record! I say may be because I still have a few days

That moment when your child is telling you "history" that you can tell her 1st hand because you were ALIVE.. Yea that. #ImOldNotReally

For the record.. I absolutely adore and love my sister from another mother @candyclc & my BIL @gregvr they are the family I always hoped 4