If you reply with 'K', I immediately think your IQ is related to that puppy in your purse.

If you follow me I will go through your timeline like a homeless man searching for his lost wallet.

Never underestimate the devastation a small rubber ball can do in a shopping mall when you throw it hard in any direction.

Why suffer in silence when you can still moan, whimper and complain on Facebook?

We all know we're here because we didn't eat our vegetables

Wow, with that amount of pubic hair you could generate enough static electricity to power that vibrator for 10 years

I'm as unnoticeable as page 2 of Google search

My uselessness just hit the "Windows Vista Support Team" level

Log in on to Facebook - Why? Because it makes everything you do today seem useful by comparison

"I'll eat a vagina if it's cooked right" - gay cannibal

You see, the answer to life is...(buffering)...(buffering)

The right answer is always 'maybe'.

Thank you for adding your location to your tweets. I'm sending an illegitimate child to your doorstep.

Theory: The more mirrors the house has, the longer it takes the woman to get ready

OK liver, it's the weekend so you're up.

He who knows others is learned; He who knows himself is wise; He who knows who took the cookies from the cookie-jar is the master.

I know the day when you meet me in person, you will love me. I have enough personalities to please all of you

For you, an orgy is where you disappoint three people instead of just one.

I practice my tweet in front of the mirror like everyone else.

Dear lady who seems to bath in perfume, we can't complain because we can't breath. You're smarter than we thought