My weapon of choice is a loaded vocabulary.

You'll know how much I loved you when I stop.

I slept like a rock last night meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.

If I blow your mind, I'll swallow your thoughts.

I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..

I don't know why this driver threw his hands up and asked what I was doing. I thought it was pretty clear I was cutting him off.

Has anyone seen my hope? I keep losing it.... It's about yea big, with cute little dreams, goals and sparkles.

Money has never swept me off my feet. I'm simple. I'm swept away with words and possibilities.

When someone asks "You know what I think?", I say "Yes I do". End of discussion.

I always knew exactly how I'd raise my kids. Then I had some.

What is wrong with me?!? Asking for a friend..

I admire strong people who don't trample the weak.

Too bad penises are attached to dicks a lot of times..

I can't decide if I should lay off the booze or just lay in it.

I found my suicide note from eight years ago. Hahaha. It's funny because I wouldn't change a thing. Maybe the date I guess...

I have a raging heart on for you..

Awww. It looks like the neighbors are having the police dept over for brunch..

If your jokes are corny I'm all ears.

My 'yes' sometimes means 'no' and my 'no' sometimes means 'yes'! How hard can that be to figure out?

I haven't crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don't care what I think.