It's sad, when you seem to have your best conversations with the talking tom cat. He makes me laugh too and brings his own drink.

Lying in bed, listening to the wind.....I had beans today.

Just sustained a nipple burn whilst drying my hair! Erm, how the hell have I got through life?!

I love eating pickles.....but I hate being in them.

Floella Benjamin was my least favourite Play school presenter....and I didn't like that ugly doll Hamble either..

Just realised that when I fake tanned last night..I forgot to include my hands. I look like Mickey Mouse. Fooking brilliant.

This time tomorrow...I could be in a gutter somewhere, with my knickers, round my knees.....here's hoping.

Off to a murder mystery night and as long as I'm not the one who gets murdered, I should enjoy it.

I've been testing my bladder perimeters again....one day it's gonna blow and it will be a very sad and wet day.

My mum has put her 'only' sexy pair of knickers in with a dark wash. Never a need to hear this, especially when your mum is seventy...cringe

I thought it would be fun to miss the top four stairs this morning and skid down them, on my ass! OUCH!!!!!!!!

I have just seen a fire engine reversing down the street with music blazing, disco lights, filled with giggling women. Wtf?!

You know when you go for a curry and the morning after you break wind? Yeh THAT.

23 tweets to 6000.........I'm gonna go for it and tweet shite. No change there then.

Pierce Brosnan. We have a problem....everytime I see you I have a vision of you singing terribly, on some Greek island.

I just remembered, I got my feet out in work today and everyone laughed. So now I'm gonna have to kill everyone. You've seen Carrie, right?

Even after 38 years of practise.....I still have trouble hauling myself outta bed! When will I be good at it?

I am sometimes disappointed that my parents, Rita and Bob, didn't christen their only daughter, Sue. Oh how we all would have laughed.

I've burnt my tongue on some soup. I can't see me putting it anywhere hot for a while.

Women of the world. Stop wearing your pjs outside. Get up, wash your lady garden and put some clean panties on. Dirty beeyaches!!!!