I tell my daughters sex is painful,gross,yucky-anything to prevent them from experimenting.Residual effects are their future mate's problem.

"Fuck" is the singlemost satisfying utterance in the English language. Feel's pretty sweet too.

Since becoming more active on Twitter, I no longer have the need for food or sleep.But my sexual requirement has increased exponentially.

Lil Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, drinking a Vodka and lime. Along came Twitter, and the bug surely bit her,and now she wastes lots of time.

I think I've been reading too many Vampire novels lately. I just hissed and bared my teeth at my daughter when she asked to use the computer

I know Santa lives at The North Pole and while he's a great guy and all, I much prefer The South Pole.

BombDad:"Why go tanning?" Obviously, he has never masturbated in a tanning bed or he wouldn't need to ask.

To my followers, admirers, if I fail to use proper Twitter Ettiquette, it's probably because I'm imagining doing you- no offense.

If actions speak louder than words, then why is it the thought that counts?

A warm wet tongue is the best alarm clock; I never hit snooze.

Going to work now. It's so good to get back under the covers.

None of the people I know IRL are on Twitter. That strikes me as a bit odd. My other reaction of course is "Whew!"

"Yo mama is like a Casino; liquor in the front, and poker in the back." as told to me by my 11 year old daughter. FML.

Follow me for the wits not the tits.

When life gives me lemons, I cut one in half and put it inside my top with the little pointy ends sticking out.

Abstinence makes the clit grow fonder.

Much rather have a cock in my cunny than a block on my funny.

Push ups are much more enjoyable when done "a deux", Bone Ami.

Happy Hump Day People!!! Although, any day with humping is happy.

I'm dreamin' of a wet Christmas,just like the ones I've cum to know. Where my thighs are a-glistenin', from my persimmon...