You're never too old to make a pillow fort

I mainly get blue balls from raping smurfs.

It's kinda cool how you clean a red wine spill with white wine, but rather impractical.Who the hell would waste alcohol twice in one sitting

For the record we don't say "aboot" we say "about" like normal fucking people.... assholes

I can meet 10 girls, fuck 9, talk to 8, laugh with 7, chase after 6, like 5, go out with 4, get used to 3, care about 2, but only love 1. <3

Well, I'm out of substances, time for bed I guess...

I really need to stop dating girls. I need a woman.

Holy Fuckin Cuntnuggets Batman!

I follow someone who tweets only in German, cause he starred my shit once. I'm such an attention whore.

I've noticed even the gayest tweets sound cool if you read them aloud Cannibal Corpse style.

When your not sure if you finished the last beer before opening a new one, but with the maze of empties, it impossible to tell for sure...

Honestly... sometimes I just scroll through, and look at boobies. <3

FYI! Punk Rock Bingo Rules!

Is there a ceremony or something to make someone my Twitter Wife? Or can I just claim them?

Fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, peace I'm out!

Call me juvenile, but this shit fuckin cracked me up! Haha constipated Olympians! http://t.co/pntBxZqa

<-- New avi haha

Fuck!! My Igloo just collapsed. I gotta go rebuild this shit before my beer freezes. Be right back guys.

My twitter crush never star fucks me. I don't think this is going to work out. Maybe we should pseudo-see other people.

If you don't have a place to put a beer in the shower with you, you're not doing it right.