Penis: Strong enough for a man, yet made for a woman

Blonde Moment #18: Sorting laundry by lights and darks; got puzzled by a black and white striped top; so washed it once with each group.

I'm thinking my shirt may be too low cut for casual Friday at work, considering my left areola is showing.

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, it's probably a dick. Thanks Autocorrect!

Ever look around the room at your family and think to yourself "it's amazing I turned out as good as I did"

Then realize you said it aloud?

Bit of advice? If you snicker as you read a tweet, and a tiny booger flies out your nose, that shit is probably star worthy!!

This chick, in the next stahl, is spinning the role of toilet paper as if she was spinning Bob Barker's big Wheel in hopes to land on $1.00!

Stubbed my mother fuckin, cock sucking toe over 20 minutes ago and still swearing like a retired Sailor, that now drives trucks for a living

I've noticed the higher the heel in a woman's shoe, the bigger the bounce of her boobs as she walks

Just sayin

I just realized I bought the Vicks Vapor Rub Kleenex by mistake; guess I'll know what my husband's been up to if he taste like menthol.

It's not vain to check out your butt on Target's surveillance camera while waiting in line.

After all it is in full color.

Chick sitting next to me on the plane took 20 minutes to inflate a neck rest pillow. Her boyfriend doesn't stand a chance.

I just told someone they made my day. Since it's not even 6:30 was that really a compliment?

No matter how you slice it, it always looks suspicious walking back into the office, after lunch, with a bottle of mouthwash

With gas at $3/gal, after driving 20+ miles to shop, it would be a sin to go home empty handed

In nursing school, do they make you stand up in front of the class and say "penis" 100 times, until you can say it without giggling?

They got it backwards: You can catch more "Hunnies" with (open) flys

Life's short, eat dessert first.
And by dessert, I mean cock.

TGIF

So if I got 85 views for a pic of a single boob, would both boobs get me 200 views *blonde math. It was easier to round up

Three Easy Steps: 1. Get up on it side by side 2. Gently ease your butt into it 3. Straighten out your front
Parallel parking's a sinch!