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A man jumped from space and landed on his feet. Cats always land on their feet. This man is suspiciously named Felix. Hmmm.
My girlfriend laughed at me when I told her I'd built a car entirely of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
If you wear a shirt that says 'geek' on it then you're probably not a geek, you're probably just a knob.
Any pizza can be a personal pizza if you just stay strong and believe in yourself
JESSIE J IS THE CLOSEST WE'RE GONNA GET TO 5IVE ANYWAY AND THAT'S WHO QUEEN ARE COVERING
Furious at that @cnn rape report, if you don't want be known as a sex offender then don't commit a sexually offensive act.
Someone said my clock has to go back but I got it from Woolworths so I'm stumped about what to do
Hark as Benedict Cumberbatch and Adele sail off in a boat made of money to safer shores because life's too hard being rich and successful.
Wanna find out your cunt name? Replace your first name with Piers and your second name with Morgan.
Instead of RTing the rape apologists (soul crushed because that’s a thing) lets make sure all the women they know r informed of their stance
Look at this terrible person that surfaced on Facebook and made my face melt: https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/304654_552044404807744_1100048407_n.jpg …
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH CHRISTOPHER MALONEY'S WINNERS SINGLE IS THE REASON BY HOOBASTANK HOW GREAT IS THIS COUNTRY HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Bon Jovi tickets start at £12.50 but I've only got £6.25. I'm halfway there...
I AM AN AVID FALL OUT BOY ENTHUSIAST. Manager/DJ at Deadbolt, aspiring teacher, top guy.
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