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.@borowitzreport: Obama, Putin Agree Never to Speak to Each Other Again: http://nyr.kr/15gkZxS
.@borowitzreport: Useful Phrases for the Surveillance State: http://nyr.kr/19l77t4
.@borowitzreport: N.S.A. Enforces Zero-Tolerance Policy on Conscience: http://nyr.kr/11QSftx
.@borowitzreport: Saxby Chambliss Blames Rape Remarks on Nature: http://nyr.kr/18ViGqz
.@borowitzreport: Issa Demands Hearings Into Why No One Listens to Him: http://nyr.kr/18JbAD9
.@borowitzreport: Obama Under Fire for Using Free Government Housing: http://nyr.kr/11bLBii
.@borowitzreport: Congress’ Average I.Q. Expected to Rise in 2015: http://nyr.kr/1ayNVEj
RT @borowitzreport: Syrian Rebels Urge McCain to Get Over Losing to Obama http://nyr.kr/13WzZUz
.@borowitzreport: Scalia Resigns Post as Scoutmaster: http://nyr.kr/ZiceGV
.@borowitzreport: Obama Asks Staff to Start Cc’ing Him on Stuff: http://nyr.kr/12MlQYQ
National vote total finalized. Hilariously, Mitt Romney got 47 Percent.
.@borowitzreport: G.O.P. Split Over Whether to Emphasize Misogyny or Racism: http://nyr.kr/Y3zhAO
People are going crazy with my comments on Diet Coke (soda). Let's face it--this stuff just doesn't work. It makes you hungry.
Romney: "I want a binder full of women, but I want to pay them as much as a folder full of men."
.@tnyshouts: A transcript from the Lincoln-Douglas town-hall debate: http://nyr.kr/TcbAah
URGENT NEED TO CONTACT JOE BIDEN WILL SURRENDER ALL NUKES IF HE PROMISES NOT TO YELL AT ME CONTACT ME ON MYSPACE KTHXBYE #debate #vpdebate
BBC's fine satirical gem The News Quiz gets US makover in run up to elections http://t.co/DaR6MPeP
Hugo Chavez is holding an election to decide whether he stays in power. Pussy.