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  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    I hope when I finally get Alzheimer's that people dress me in super hero costumes, you know, for the lucid moments.

    • 51
    • FAVS
    VirgoSherrybendymommyjimandrewsmusicbrekittyxtkhan74Sweet_SueZrambo_doggBruisedPeaches____
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    jimandrewsmusictkhan74Sweet_SueZmar1ig0ld________ejmichaels1MatMarcotte12Discoestebannotsharonwithu
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    I want to know where you stand on histamine are you "Pro" or "Anti"

    • 39
    • FAVS
    VirgoSherryjimandrewsmusictkhan74Sweet_SueZrambo_doggnicholeb74bsaunde22HandyJack420
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    bsaunde22HandyJack420littlebear_730Laddy42__________GFGanderGrind_n_RolllordtwigPortRooster__
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    As soon as I transform this paintball gun into a flaming balls of fury gun, the quality of life around here will improve!

    • 33
    • FAVS
    jimandrewsmusicAGlossingertkhan74Sweet_SueZnicholeb74bat_braHandyJack420QuiteQuietOne
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    tkhan74Sweet_SueZbat_braHandyJack420thepelosaJoshuaHvrrezeskiSirFlushaLot
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    It took me 14 months to walk properly after my circumcision.

    • 30
    • FAVS
    bendymommybrekittyxtkhan74Sweet_SueZark506nicholeb74FreddieQ6HandyJack420
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    tkhan74nicholeb74FreddieQ6KauaibrideHandyJack420BarDogDaveGFGanderScreaminZeman____
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    I steal panties from laundrymats, not for any perverted reason, but to throw into the backseat of random cars with open windows

    • 25
    • FAVS
    bendymommyjimandrewsmusicSweet_SueZrambo_doggBruisedPeaches____mar1ig0ld________nicholeb74filthybeggar1
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    Sweet_SueZnicholeb74filthybeggar1KauaibrideTheDunkleejmichaels1bat_braHandyJack420
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    Note to self: "Thought of you this morning while I was peeing" NOT a good way to start a love letter

    • 27
    • FAVS
    Sweet_SueZrambo_doggBruisedPeaches____bat_braHandyJack420BarDogDavelil_brown_jug____Alinthecounty____
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    bat_braHandyJack420BarDogDaveGFGanderSirFlushaLotgreggoodman775oulhealerzenmommaNgrimes
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    Remember when you could push a buddy into a swimming pool and not ruin $1100 worth of electronics? Funny then funnier now!

    • 26
    • FAVS
    Sweet_SueZrambo_doggBruisedPeaches____nicholeb74KimKardashsToeHeronSaysSaggymummaejmichaels1
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    KauaibrideSaggymummaejmichaels1HandyJack420ScreaminZeman____SirFlushaLotbonnieleab
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    Just ran six yellow lights, using my math skills of speed, time and distance, the cop behind me has run 6 red lights.

    • 17
    • FAVS
    Sweet_SueZBruisedPeaches____nicholeb74ejmichaels1HiSocietyLoLifeHandyJack420GFGanderCassyMarion
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    nicholeb74ejmichaels1HiSocietyLoLifeHandyJack420PortRooster__rezeskiSirFlushaLotjovial_evil
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    My boss asked me if I knew how to do "the twitter" like I'm the social media mngr *my job* told him its just a bunch of pervs. Stick w FB

    • 18
    • FAVS
    Sweet_SueZnicholeb74HandyJack420GFGanderGrind_n_RollPortRooster__chopper4jkTheCiscoKidder
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    HandyJack420rezeskijovial_evilsmileturtlesHummpty_DummptyNikkiAgain
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    I can't wait until I get old enough to say in public what I type on twitter.

    • 14
    • FAVS
    Sweet_SueZrambo_doggBruisedPeaches____mar1ig0ld________likealemursnarkboxLeanderFanGroup_BlueEyed_Devil
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    BruisedPeaches____mar1ig0ld________AndrewTAviationKauaibrideAddiemantiumCtchandler247WindPushedGrass
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    "YEAH, Right," the said the elusive, negative-double positive

    • 15
    • FAVS
    mar1ig0ld________HandyJack420GFGanderGrind_n_RollPortRooster__AspersioncastDandyTrumanScreaminZeman____
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    HandyJack420PortRooster__SirFlushaLotWhimsical84zenmommaNgrimes
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    I just checked your TL out and ended up starring and following everybody but you. Hmmm....

    • 12
    • FAVS
    mar1ig0ld________BarDogDaveGFGanderPortRooster__Aspersioncastcathryn_wardamaniwf__________ICountBeanss
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    cathryn_wardICountBeanssrbooksman
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    Me:bringing the cat to get fixed.
    5yo: she doesn't look broken, did you drop her, like the baby?
    Wife: WHAT?

    • 8
    • FAVS
    girlkeikoYouWillGo2HellDandyTrumanNostradamAssHatonedavedeepAgamemNOMNOMshamroxmysoxcynicanoldicus
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    girlkeikoKauaibrideDandyTrumanBigDaddyBajanshamroxmysoxcynicanoldicus
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    When I get bored I send a text to random phone numbers, saying, I'm out of toilet paper, please bring me a roll

    • 11
    • FAVS
    GFGanderGrind_n_RollPortRooster__AspersioncastScreaminZeman____rezeskiSmirk_NinjaSirFlushaLot
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Smirk_NinjaSirFlushaLot_itspat_
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    Me: why is the spare toilet paper in a drawer you can't reach from the toilet?
    Her: that's where my mom kept it.
    Me: your mom is stupid!

    • 10
    • FAVS
    leswhitmoreericonederfulBruisedPeaches____frk_mariaGrrrRachCrissyFlorenciaThatGirlLexynicholeb74
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    freedmetoThatGirlLexynicholeb74
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    I've asked my daughters boyfriend to use his phone, just to watch him panic, cry and piss himself. (In public)

    • 8
    • FAVS
    Sweet_SueZgrasshopper09eriamcass1ellvvzzzFallun_Angel__babyblue0924funnybeachgirlDrinkingatWork
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    SendPooTHK1965iamcass1eFallun_Angel__DrinkingatWork
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    I have a phobia of other people with phobias

    • 10
    • FAVS
    GFGanderGrind_n_RollPortRooster__AspersioncastScreaminZeman____SirFlushaLotBigBec43evanrhorne
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    KauaibrideSirFlushaLot_itspat_
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    Daughter: why don't you buy yourself fitted shirts? Me: 'cause I'm fat enough all my shirts are fitted

    • 9
    • FAVS
    ark506Grind_n_RollPortRooster__AspersioncastScreaminZeman____SirFlushaLotbonnieleabBigBec43
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    KauaibrideSmirk_NinjaSirFlushaLot_itspat_
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    Just programmed the TV's to switch to ESPN every 1/2 hour Mon through Fri., I dare you to save Glee again.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    grasshopper09erAineAnisa__babyblue0924RunJeffreyRungbudenskiRyanKeith15______
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    AineAnisa__RunJeffreyRungbudenskiJoeC_EsquiremisteratlantaRyanKeith15______
  • Bosnsmate
      Bos'n Mate @Bosnsmate

    A male mind:

    FUCK this, bitch.

    Fuck, THIS bitch.

    Fuck this, BITCH.

    Same words but different meanings.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    Sweet_SueZYouWillGo2HellGrind_n_RollPortRooster__AspersioncastScreaminZeman____SirFlushaLotjovial_evil
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    jovial_evilNikkiAgain
@Bosnsmate

@Bosnsmate

Not one bit concerned about my follower count, will follow you if you make me laugh