@Brain_Wash's (Sociopathetic) most faved Tweets...
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.
At least, that's what the restraining order says.
At least, that's what the restraining order says.
Never had a MySpace. Never had a FaceBook. Twitter is my first and only. I feel like a virgin who went straight to anal.
Sometimes, I miss doing drugs. It's sad to think that the next time I get that "I can't feel my face" feeling, I'll be having a stroke.
Lady Gaga canceled four shows due to dizziness and shortness of breath. I fully understand! Last time I sat on my nuts, I almost passed out.
I used to call these my lucky underwear. Then I realized that, if they were so god damn lucky, I wouldn't be wearing them.
Dear Satan, I miss you, too. But having short skirt/no panties girl drop that bacon in the cold beer aisle was just cruel. Call me! Love, BW
"Star it THIS way." "DON'T make jokes about that thing." "Use THAT button THIS way." It's official, Twitter has become my ex-wife.
If I mention my age, my job, and my kid in the same conversation, I might as well add, "Pussy deflector shield engaged, Captain!"
Two male cats outside yowling. My female cat is scratching to get out. I'm calling this "teenage daughter preview".
Where's my fucking gun?
Where's my fucking gun?
No, stupid football announcer, it's not a 'mute' point. It's a 'moot' point. Mute is what I just did.
I hear that it's bad to star yourself. If I've learned anything from marriage, it's that if I don't pump my own shit, it will go unpumped.
The hardest thing in life is watching someone you love, love someone else. The easiest is watching them open the soda can you just shook up.
I heard my Corolla might accelerate uncontrollably at any time. So, I'm cruising around Ann Coulter's neighborhood with my fingers crossed.
Snarky nerds run the show. Sports are pretty much shunned. Nobody's getting laid. This branch of Twitter is officially Reverse High School.
Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning. Stalking is just a hobby until someone catches on and presses charges.
Daddy, why does the purple team have so many more points than the green team? Because Daddy bet his lunch money on the green team, honey.
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