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  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    Lego people hands make them look like they're always ready to drink up or jerk off.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    Final_ExitHiKristheleanoverSnarkToastTimUhlMoodyPlaylist____JeniScagnettisgtblueeyes
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    MoodyPlaylist____BarW38EccentricPixieBitchy_rtseyeseeyouarein_caitlinmoserNickadoo
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    My separation from Twitter was hardly as successful as my divorce.

    • 17
    • FAVS
    HiKristheleanoverMoodyPlaylist____JeniScagnettiBustaPanic________tweetlbeee________PyrBlisseyeseeyouarein
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    brentweav________
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    What made me think death was gonna be any easier?

    • 17
    • FAVS
    Final_ExitHiKristheleanoversaucethedogJeniScagnettieyeseeyouareinrandomismslcspt
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Eulogiani
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    When I explained Twitter to my mother she said, "Sounds like group therapy where no one's getting better." Well played, Mom. Well played.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    Final_ExitHiKrisAlphaBeSoup____TequilaTearsKillerdolcepinapl
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    Eulogianivanessa9256andisgn_shoesnuribaChaps_01fermc_13
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    If you want to make a long story short, just shut up already.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    bloody_hollyJeniScagnettiRadnusJDontTouchMyWineHorribleDancerpinapl_fullmoonlover___
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    DaebaksamaDontTouchMyWineSo_New_York
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    Enrique Iglesias made 13 million dollars last year… which means it must cost 14 million dollars to remove a giant mole from your face.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    brettmccormick4HiKristomrgrayChris2Point0cemkarabacakHorribleDancer
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    tomrgrayJayFinch
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    Today I feel new inspiration bubbling up inside of me.

    LOLJK

    It's only gas.

    I'm dead inside.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    HiKristheleanoverJeniScagnettihiimlesBustaPanic________
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Shrrinesnatwowfermc_13
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    I’ll bet that when Billy Baldwin has sex, even he fantasizes that he’s Alec.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    HiKrisDudeDiariestheleanoverJeniScagnettiBarW38
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    tailing2ideastheleanover
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    The woman who injected her 8 year-old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody. The child didn't look surprised.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    HiKrisMmeLaCroozChris2Point0TribalSpaceCaticybluequest
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    TribalSpaceCat
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    I don’t need coffee to make me interesting. I need coffee to make you interesting.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    RickRosteSRQ2UCOOKlEFOREVERdysolution
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    COOKlEFOREVER
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    I'm still alive.

    On the outside, at least.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    DDraconisBakinwithbaconaaskwmarissa9210
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    Never had a MySpace. Never had a FaceBook. Twitter is my first and only. I feel like a virgin who went straight to anal.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    AlphaBeSoup____itsdonnaokTequilaTearspinapl
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    I’m off to jury duty today. It’s like a school dance where, even though your mom says you have to be there, you hope no one talks to you.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Final_ExitStexcyTwistingShadowspinapl
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    Being a teacher has confirmed my supposition that some people are born to be a dick, while others have dickiness thrust upon them.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Final_ExitpinaplicybluequestBarW38
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    A break-up is a lot like puking. You fight it as long as you can, it's a painful mess when you do, but it usually makes you feel better.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    pinaplJinxy_StubbsSRQ2U
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    morgeepop
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    Different shit, same asshole.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    Bakinwithbaconbeazzly______HorribleDancer
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    Imaginary friends? Unlimited porn? Video games until dawn?
    Shit, I invented the Internet in sixth grade and didn’t even know it.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    GreenCrackhead_fullmoonlover___
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    JayFinch
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    When sung by 60 nine year-olds, “Feliz Navidad” also means, “Please god, make it stop.”

    • 2
    • FAVS
    fussipussi_fullmoonlover___
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    _fullmoonlover___
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    It seems to me, you lived your life like a candle in the wind. Me, I’m more like a blunt in a breezy hallway.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    joesmithreally____mentalsplinters__
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    sassafrasstic
  • Brain_wash
      Mr. Want @Brain_wash

    And sometimes, I’m just a boy, standing in front of a fridge, asking who fucking forgot to buy milk on the way home.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    Fucking_Randy____SRQ2U
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Fucking_Randy____
@Brain_wash

@Brain_wash

Pissed off school teacher. Bitter father.