Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Do Buddhist emails allow attachments?
Stop signs are for people who don't have to shit.
I want to be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
I dislike passive aggressive people. Not enough to tell them to their face, but I'll leave a nasty note on their car.
WalMart should make the cake section too narrow for motor scooters.
I fuck like Woody from Toy Story runs.
My roommate practices witchcraft. She woke me up doing some loud ass ritual. When I get off the ceiling I'm kicking her ass.
How come coffee commercials never show pissed off people not saying a word while making their morning cup?
Texting and driving isn't as dangerous as peop
Hand job, the real low five.
Middle Eastern kids just blow up so fast.
What came first, the unemployment or the neck tattoo?
I question religion because religion questions me.
Twitter and the zombie apocalypse have a lot in common. God, family, and friends don't matter anymore.
You're all the mall-rats of the Internet.
I was just hugged and then mauled by a bipolar bear.
I did it all for the gnocchi.
When life gives you lemons, you didn't get the right board game.
Frosting makes the world better.
My car's a little junky. It's not messy or anything, just a Fiat with a nasty heroin problem.
I once swallowed a bag of LEGO bricks and pooped a subway map. My hip-hop persona's twitter handle is https://t.co/i5drAEqU