Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Do Buddhist emails allow attachments?
Stop signs are for people who don't have to shit.
I want to be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
I dislike passive aggressive people. Not enough to tell them to their face, but I'll leave a nasty note on their car.
My roommate practices witchcraft. She woke me up doing some loud ass ritual. When I get off the ceiling I'm kicking her ass.
I fuck like Woody from Toy Story runs.
WalMart should make the cake section too narrow for motor scooters.
Texting and driving isn't as dangerous as peop
Hand job, the real low five.
How come coffee commercials never show pissed off people not saying a word while making their morning cup?
I question religion because religion questions me.
Middle Eastern kids just blow up so fast.
What came first, the unemployment or the neck tattoo?
Twitter and the zombie apocalypse have a lot in common. God, family, and friends don't matter anymore.
You're all the mall-rats of the Internet.
I did it all for the gnocchi.
When life gives you lemons, you didn't get the right board game.
I was just hugged and then mauled by a bipolar bear.
My car's a little junky. It's not messy or anything, just a Fiat with a nasty heroin problem.
Frosting makes the world better.
I once swallowed a bag of LEGO bricks and pooped a subway map. My hip-hop persona's twitter handle is https://twitter.com/AtomicG_O