Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Do Buddhist emails allow attachments?
I want to be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
Stop signs are for people who don't have to shit.
How come coffee commercials never show pissed off people not saying a word while making their morning cup?
WalMart should make the cake section too narrow for motor scooters.
I dislike passive aggressive people. Not enough to tell them to their face, but I'll leave a nasty note on their car.
What came first, the unemployment or the neck tattoo?
Middle Eastern kids just blow up so fast.
I fuck like Woody from Toy Story runs.
My roommate practices witchcraft. She woke me up doing some loud ass ritual. When I get off the ceiling I'm kicking her ass.
Hand job, the real low five.
I question religion because religion questions me.
I was just hugged and then mauled by a bipolar bear.
Twitter and the zombie apocalypse have a lot in common. God, family, and friends don't matter anymore.
Does Spiderman cry every time he passes a box of Uncle Ben's rice in the supermarket?
Texting and driving isn't as dangerous as peop
Frosting makes the world better.
America: A country formed by illegal immigrants who spawned generations who hate illegal immigrants.
When life gives you lemons, you didn't get the right board game.
My car's a little junky. It's not messy or anything, just a Fiat with a nasty heroin problem.
I once swallowed a bag of LEGO bricks and pooped a subway map. My hip-hop persona's twitter handle is https://t.co/i5drAEqU