Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I might start a company selling Femfresh-type cockwash for BLOKES. It'll be called SHAFTSMASH and smell of DIESEL and PUNCHING and BEARS.
Philip Davies thinks disabled people should work below minimum wage. I think Philip Davies should work below a cage of incontinent elephants
When sending a tweet I'm elated/
O efforts I spend to create it!/
The character limit/
Means I have to bin it/
I won't have my verse be trun
Trying to sum up my mood. Got as far as 'randy malaise' before realising I'd discovered the best country & western name of all time.
Decided. I'm going to get a tattoo of a QR code. It's going to point to a website which reads "I AM A HORRIBLY SHORT-SIGHTED HUMAN BEING"
I'm at Starbucks¹ with two others!
¹Coffee delivered by uncaring workers² is…
²The wind in middle America has³…
-David Foursquare Wallace
You tap your hand against the reader. "Expires soon". You're almost at work before you realise that you weren't holding your oystercard.
Wizard. Writer/perfomer @BetaMalesComedy (http://t.co/faXe9Hj6), writer for http://t.co/pjHSdpLH & http://t.co/5UoqEUm1. Opinions are my own & unusually vulgar