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Bey-ounce: unit of measure derived from "jelly/(x)ready=number of rings on it", where x=the volume of licious displaced by one's booty
My body is a temple. OF DOOM.
I'm a Carbie girl, in a Barbie world.
Funny how there are no "Comedian DESTROYS Relationship" videos.
Waiting for the moment life takes off her glasses & ponytail.
I hope you knew how much you meant to millions of people, funny man. It might not have kept you here, but goddamnit I hope you knew it.
From now on I will refer to my period as pouring one out for my homies.
MR. GORBACHEV, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL! AND THEN PICK IT UP PICK IT UP PICK IT UP, BOIIIIIIII #RONALDREGGAE
I bet even Zooey Deschanel's 9/11 story is whimsical as fuck.
Hey fellas, wanna know how to win a gal's heart?Learn how to take even an IOTA of thoughtgul criticism without becoming a garbage monster.
Saying you're "young at heart" just means you're old and still don't have your shit together.
"Fuck the police" she said, in the most tired, disappointed tone.
Hoodies are "asking for it" about as much as dresses are.
Stand up comic, co-creator & host of @PictureThisShow & @Lady2LadyComedy. My debut album #OpinionCave is available now! Slytherin.
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