Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
We're all forgetting that Prince Harry basically just became Scar from the Lion King.
Bey-ounce: unit of measure derived from "jelly/(x)ready=number of rings on it", where x=the volume of licious displaced by one's booty
Waiting for the moment life takes off her glasses & ponytail.
MR. GORBACHEV, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL! AND THEN PICK IT UP PICK IT UP PICK IT UP, BOIIIIIIII #RONALDREGGAE
From now on I will refer to my period as pouring one out for my homies.
I bet even Zooey Deschanel's 9/11 story is whimsical as fuck.
I want my next apartment to be a bread bowl.
Hoodies are "asking for it" about as much as dresses are.
I bet Mitt Romney's sons are all Horcruxes.
It's Election Eve, not Election Steve.
2013: the year we force women in Texas to have babies so people in Florida can use them for target practice without consequence.
Most comedians jokes should just end with "Right, Dad? Dad?"
"So... is The Phone still red?" - small talk amongst Presidents
A moment of silence please, for the karaoke hosts of the world tonight. #WhitneyHouston
The way some people sing You Oughtta Know at karaoke, you'd think Dave Coulier had wronged half of Los Angeles.
My kale smoothie brings all the boys who are still scared of their fathers & make up for it by dressing like 80's coke pirates to the yard.
YOU GUYS BILL MURRAY IS AT THE ALL STAR LANES KARAOKE FOR HIS BIRTHDAY OMFG
You'd think guys would be more into chicks breaking through the glass ceiling, because upskirts.
I'm a real sweet heart. Probably from all the high fructose corn syrup. Stand up comedian in LA, check out my podcast Lady to Lady on iTunes & at the UCB Live.