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We're all forgetting that Prince Harry basically just became Scar from the Lion King.
Bey-ounce: unit of measure derived from "jelly/(x)ready=number of rings on it", where x=the volume of licious displaced by one's booty
Waiting for the moment life takes off her glasses & ponytail.
I hope you knew how much you meant to millions of people, funny man. It might not have kept you here, but goddamnit I hope you knew it.
From now on I will refer to my period as pouring one out for my homies.
MR. GORBACHEV, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL! AND THEN PICK IT UP PICK IT UP PICK IT UP, BOIIIIIIII #RONALDREGGAE
I bet even Zooey Deschanel's 9/11 story is whimsical as fuck.
Saying you're "young at heart" just means you're old and still don't have your shit together.
"Fuck the police" she said, in the most tired, disappointed tone.
Hoodies are "asking for it" about as much as dresses are.
I bet Mitt Romney's sons are all Horcruxes.
I want my next apartment to be a bread bowl.
It's Election Eve, not Election Steve.
Really into this new sex move where I eat a bunch of orange chicken and go to bed.
It's MrsCarriage, thank you very much.
I'm a real sweet heart. Probably from all the high fructose corn syrup. Stand up comic, host of @PictureThisShow & @Lady2LadyComedy on http://MaximumFun.org