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It's the one day a year I'm not yet sick of "All I Want For Christmas Is You"
Haha, imagine being so poor you have to rely on crazy savings!!
Good day to run out of toilet paper.
"Hello, is Quest there?" -a Tribe
"Why don't ALL lives matter? Why isn't there a WHITE history month? What's privilege? How can I type with my head this far up my ass?"
One nation, often flawed, and divisible with liberty and justice for some.
Let's delay announcing the Ferguson decision till after the dark shroud of nightfall has enveloped the nation, what could possibly go wrong?
Last Google search: hamsters cleaning themselves in slow motion.
I wish that "All About That Bass" girl was all about the notes too high for humans to hear
You'll never be as lazy as whoever named the meatball
Really feeling the Far Cry 4 itch. Don't care about the story... just want to run around and do stupid stuff.
I don't burn bridges. I just let the infrastructure rust away ensuring the inevitable breathtaking collapse.
I need a trap in the shower drain to catch all my funny ideas.
I'm sorry miss jackson / your call is important to us / please hold for the next available operator
No YOUR boyfriend created a fake character with his improv troupe so he could like Instagram bikini model pics legitimately.
Always scary walking down the street at night when you can just feel someone behind you because they keep putting their hands on your hips