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Sucks Twitter wasn't around eight years ago so a stranger could live-tweet overhearing my divorce
I'm like a coconut. I'm very tough on the outside, but if you take the time to cut through it, I'm hollow and I taste like shit.
Watching a horror movie to calm down from reading the news
So Ashley Madison had 20 million real male members & only 1500 real females. Which means each lady had over 13,000 affairs. V impressive imo
No one with true talent in Guitar Center testing guitars ever has the money to buy a guitar.
I took a Myers-Briggs test and it said I was an ISFP. Can I be an Adventurer and an indoor kid?
At 11:11, I wish that it would turn 11:12 and it almost always comes true.
Putting my relationship to the test by taking more than a few days off from showering.
Tonight's the night I snort some expired Vicodin rails and see where the car takes me
Stephen Hawking now says that black holes have a way out, which is great news for anyone with a Twitter account.
Evidence of a comfy relationship: "No hun, did you try the dildo drawer?"
Missing someone + No texts from them = Worst feeling.
LAWYER 1:Whatcha workin on
LAWYER 2:Monday v. Monday
L2: Don't say it
L1: You got a case of the Mondays!!
L2: I literally hate you
Flunked out of Juilliard because I couldn’t NOT pronounce it Noo Yawk.
2 infinity and ur mom
music guy, teacher, improviser, molecules
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