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Attention all sixes. Please stop requesting my friendship on Facebook. Nines and tens only. Thank you.
There should be a hidden level in Mario Kart where you find all the scared, naked, shell-less turtles huddling together.
"I'm all about that bass..." -Not The Doors
Never trust someone who is good looking and funny.
New phone, who 'dis? - Alexander Graham Bell
Love it. RT @s_p_e_n_s_e_r_: 3 years ago. #throwback @himynameisneck http://timehop.com/c/ftv:2819793487434:100000111493252:2744050:f1495 …
Blake Shelton looks like Vince Vaughn had a baby with Vince Vaughn.
I won’t say how old I am but Led Zeppelin used to be cool to me and in 16 years Led Zeppelin will be cool to me again.
I only work out so I can come back from the grave strong and make "Tales From the Crypt" real for anybody who ever fronted on me word up.
I'm in Whole Foods and all the vegetables are giving me the Jim Halpert face
I am sitting out in the sun for alone brunch and somehow not masturbating
Waiter: Is Pepsi okay?
"I ordered a water"
waiter: Answer the question, sir.
Missed connection: You were my flight, and I was supposed to be on you.
It's a busy Saturday, Madison. What are you still doing in your jammies?! http://host.madison.com/ct/news/local/three-candidates-vie-for-an-open-madison-city-council-seat/article_fcd48252-a339-11e4-80bf-831630865a34.html … pic.twitter.com/oGfDeL5YJw
Stressed? Close your eyes knowing Biggie and 2 Pac are cuttin' tracks on an unnamed island in the Caribbean.