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"Hey, fella, are you a model? Cuz my father and I would like to bond while working on you."
My baby godson just asked me, "Gaddy, if you suffer a fatal embolism in a hot air balloon does it just keep going up and up to the heaven?"
When I was 8 they shut the bumper cars down because I was trying to get out and hug everyone after each minor collision. I was a fun child.
Bought a time machine--should get here yesterday.
"TRUMP IS A RA_IST" suddenly became less of a sure thing on Wheel Of Fortune.
your mom just sent me a link to dick in a box
[after 2 hours of talking to someone]
I'm sorry I didn't hear a word you said.
If Romeo and Juliet had weed and Netflix everything would have ended much better I think, they had no way to chill out back then.
I know this is a lot to ask of the universe, but what if the garbage disposal switch didn't always look EXACTLY LIKE a kitchen light switch?
I know everyone's got their own gripes, but my biggest problem with True Detective season 3 is they named a character "Pitler."
Gonna start ending all my Facebook comments with "love Michael"
1963: I want to hold your hand
1984: I want to know what love is
2015: I want to eat the booty like groceries
MSNBC: Bugs Bunny turns 75!
CNN: Bugs Bunny turns 75!
Fox News: "Wadical libewal wabbit" marks 75 years of mocking law-abiding gun owners
Bugs Bunny turns 75 today. Now when he says "What's up, Doc?" he's legitimately concerned.
I got an idea for a website. Go Fund Yourself. *continues watering lawn*
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