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You think the world is rough now? Imagine how much worse it would be if there weren't "Coexist" bumper stickers.
"Hello darkness my old friend."
Darkness: I'm not lending you any money.
TIE THAT KEY
AND INVENT ELECTRICITY
~ Benjamin Franklin Hetfield
Bernie Sanders always looks like he's about to send his food back
"Hold still," whispered time. "I'm going to ruin your body."
Call me choosy, but I will not date women who are current members of ISIS.
Well well well, look who came crawling back for my friendship on Facebook. It's my ex-boyfriend from 7 years ago's Grandma.
Charlie Sheen may not have contracted HIV had he been jailed in '96- the third time he was charged with assault and battery against a woman.
Barnes couldn't even read. Noble just kept him around because they were best friends who sometimes kissed
I've ruined a lot of personal and professional relationships by simply saying "No problem, Boblem."
90 minutes into owning a light saber, I accidentally chop my dick off
a decent litmus test for our sexual compatibility is if you can imagine making love to me in an abandoned Cracker Barrel on a brand new tarp
Here's the thing about women: They'll take a 7 minute break from hating your guts to enjoy a nice piece of Tiramisu.
Do I have time to smoke one more cigarette before heading to Crossfit?
music guy, teacher, improviser, molecules
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